rest on me

Movin' On Up

2011-04-19T12:42:00.002-05:00

I've been a faithful blogger user for a few years now. I recently started a couple of wordpress blogs and have fallen in love. Wordpress is SO much easier for me, and the formatting over there is a breeze.

So this little blog here is moving over to wordpress. I've switched over the archives even, so I'm not starting from scratch. Make sure to update your RSS feeds (Dave and Lillian) and any links you have in favorites bars or whatever.

AND, I posted today! So, check it out friends!

http://restonme.wordpress.com/

Small Vacation

2011-04-15T09:27:00.002-05:00

So, I'm going to be tinkering around with something over the next few days. If this site looks wonky, or goes missing all together, sorry 'bout that. Hopefully I'll be back and all will be right in the world in a few days.

Plugging

2011-04-14T11:06:00.005-05:00

If blog stats have taught me anything, it's that you folks care quite a bit about my "journey to parenthood" which sounds so stuffy, but that's exactly what it is. Whether it's a post about infertility and adoption or just ranting and complaining, if it's related to me becomming a mama, you read it. So thanks for that.

I recently gained two new friends who are going through a difficult "journey to parenthood" as well, and they've just decided to take the steps to adopt, and I am beyond thrilled for them! So if you care so much about ME becomming a mama, you'll like to hear about the Chalos's as well.

Chad and Kristle are super fun, super nice, and super funny. You would really like them. Here's their blog. http://thechalosadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/ Please read it! And definitely donate to their adoption fund; they will be amazing parents and every donation helps. Consider $5. Or $500. Because, comeon! Look how fun they are!

Girls Night Out

2011-04-13T07:43:00.004-05:00

Last night, my good friend Angie and her husband Dan were playing downtown, so Lillian and I gussied up and made a night of going to hear them play. I don't often get to hang out with my friends when their kids aren't around, so it's kind of an adventure when it happens. My gussying involved my fancy new shoes which involved me being a giant. After we heard Dan and Angie play, we went to Taco Mamcita. HOLY COW that place is good. It was absolutley the best way I could have spent my first evening out to eat in two weeks. Their guacamole - amazing. Also, the carnitas taco. I wonder if they serve breakfast... It'd be ok with me if Girls' Night Out happened more often. You hear me, girls?

The Anti-Blogger

2011-04-12T07:52:00.010-05:00

There's a popular blog feature called "What's In My Bag" where bloggers empty out their purse and take a few pictures of what's inside. It's usually super cute. Like this one that Katie from Skunkboy Creatures did and this one that Elsie from A Beautiful Mess did. Sometimes I think I should do that. And then I realized that I have 2 bananas, a take-out menu, several pill bottles, 3 notebooks, 5 nail polishes, and 14 things of lipgloss or chapstick in my bag and no one cares about that. Did you think I was joking about the 2 bananas?

I totally wasn't. Which leads me to believe I'm not exactly "a blogger" in the way I picture most bloggers. Ways I'm not "a blogger."

-I only go to Starbucks a few times per year.

-I use a PC most of the time because my mac confuses me.

-I don't take pictures well.

-I've never been to a Renegade.

-I've never initiated or attended any sort of 'meet-up' for bloggers.

-My husband hasn't ever hijacked my blog to wish me a happy birthday or congratulations for something.

-I have very few items of vintage clothing.

-I've never been cyberbullied. (Thank you for that!)

-I don't bake.

So, what else? What do you think is true about bloggers? I'll help dispell the myths. It's what I'm here for.

Baby Stuff

2011-04-11T08:44:00.006-05:00

This is not a sad post! I promise! Now you can continue without trepidation.

I know a lot of pregnant women, which is really fun. I'm completely intrigued by pregnancy. So, in honor of all you mamas-to-be, I'm going to post about some of my favorite baby finds around the web. And if you're not pregnant, chances are you know someone who is and you need a shower gift, so read on!

This sunsuit makes me weak in the knees. Sassy little hipster baby.

Everything in this shop is amazing. Every. Thing. These little circus stickers are adorable. Would be great for a nursery, boy's or girl's.

This stuffed octopus is such fun! A great idea for the DIY mama.

I need to snuggle the baby that's wearing this onesie. Stat. And some of my favorite shops for amazing baby stuff: Zara (for really chic clothing), Gilt Groupe (for great deals on more expesive baby items), and of course Old Navy and Target both have great baby finds and they're normally super cheap!

Dinner for 18

2011-04-08T08:01:00.003-05:00

I haven't eaten out in over a week. My "no eating out for two weeks" thing is going really well, so far! We won't discuss the longing in my heart when I drive past the gyro place.

Do you know what helps? Having a group of friends who are willing to do pot lucks with you several times a week. I'm a lucky lady.

We've had turkey, pizza, black bean tacos, jambalaya, southern beans and corn bread, yum yum yum. I could get used to this.

Fun Facts

2011-04-06T12:19:00.003-05:00

My brain isn't forming cohesive thoughts these days. I assume it's allergies or some such nonsense, but a fully functioning brain, I have not. So I'm doing another fun facts blog post because they're fun (for me) and it involves little thinking or planning.

1. I have a secret blog. Yes, another blog. It's therapy more than anything else, so I don't feel like sharing it. Maybe someday I will, maybe I won't.

2. Food facts: I've never had a macaron. I like my yolks broken and cooked all the way through. I like my food pretty spicy, but my husband likes his food REALLY spicy... so because I'm a lightweight in comparison, I forget that my hot food tolerance is higher than the average bear's.

3. I have no idea how to categorize my personal style. Part of me really wants to decorate each room of my house in a totally different style. Preppy, bohemian, industrial, cutesy chic, etc. My wardrobe is already like that.

4. Things I'd want to study if I went back to college: counseling/psychology, graphic design, and making shoes (I sadly can't find any courses on making shoes. I've wanted to do this for years!).

5. I will kick your butt in Mad Gab. There's also a good chance I'd kick it in Bananagrams. But I guarantee I won't win in Clue, Risk, or Checkers.

6. I'm more proud of Dave than most wives are of their husbands, I'm pretty sure. I say that Dave is good at things so often that it's now a running joke in our group of friends. "Do you know who's good at that?" Dave. It's always Dave. It's not my fault he's good at a lot of things!

7. When people start talking about politics or most current events, my brain starts acting like a TV with no signal. It's all static and fuzz. This probably makes me a bad American. Or at least not a good one.

8. In two weeks, I'm going home to Missouri! We might be able to meet up with some old friends, see our lovely families, and hooopefully make a quick trip to Red Velvet in Springfield! I'm SO ready for a tiny vacation.

9. I love planning parties and group activities, but I don't ever plan anything else. If I didn't do things on a whim, I just wouldn't do things.

10. I "collect" journals. I have so so many, but I'm always wanting to add to my collection. I have tiny ones and huge ones. Lined pages, blank pages, hardback and softback, the list goes on. If you ever need to get me a gift and you have no idea what to get: journal.

Surprise Spring Date

2011-04-05T08:15:00.000-05:00

You guys. I took real pictures this weekend. With a camera! That isn’t attached to a phone! Are you so proud? I sure am. It was totally worth it to drag that thing around with us. Sunday afternoon, I planned a Super Fun Surprise Springtime Date Day for Dave and me. Sunday morning, he was running sound at church. While he was there he received this picture message on his phone: We live close to a playground that is surrounded by lots and lots of open space. Perfect for picnics. So, I was busy packing a picnic lunch when he got home. He changed clothes, got the second text, and relaxed for a few minutes before we were off.

Also perfect for flying kites, which was the next activity. Dave, being the goober he is, decided to hook his kite string to my kite string so it would get twice as high. He then sprinted across the park to try catching his kite. It didn’t work.

We Hagens have a rich family history of Sunday afternoon naps, so that was next on the list. I have this thing about sleeping in public (people could TOTALLY sneak up on you) so I just took pictures and relaxed while Dave slept. Isn’t he so cute?

Then we went to see a movie. We’re lucky to live in a town that has a second run theater. $1.50 for a movie? Twist my arm… We saw Black Swan, which was really creepy, but pretty.

The last activity for the day was a neighborhood grill party. It started getting dark around the time the food was put on the grill, so we don’t have many pictures from that.

The day was totally fun. I think every day should be Super Fun Surprise Springtime Date Day. Or at least hang out with your spouse day. That could work too.

Patience, Friends

2011-04-04T09:59:00.003-05:00

I have a really fun blog post coming up. Here's a hint.

But I have about 50 pictures to go through and edit and crop and such. Which means 2 things. 1) That I actually took real pictures! and 2) That you'll have to hold your horses.

Ok, I couldn't help it, here's another hint:

Noooow you can hold those horses.

Mom

2011-04-01T08:30:00.004-05:00

Today is my mom's birthday. She's a beautiful woman, inside and out. She is now the mother to 6 - if you include children's spouses, WHICH WE DO! And if you count all of our friends who call her mom and have been truly impacted by her generosity, her willingness to put others before herself, and her bulldog attitute that will show up in a flash if someone is hurting one of her "kids" then it's definitely more than 6. A lot more.

She is all kinds of awesome. For example, one time I was at a friends house spending the night, and my friend decided she was going to watch Beavis and Butthead AND Interview with a Vampire. No amount of me saying, "I'm not allowed to watch that" would stop her. One call to my mama, and she was there to rescue me from what I thought was the television equivalent to getting a tattoo and smoking a cigarette.

Happy Birthday to a wonderful, wonderful mama who will do anything to show love to her children. Children you birthed, and "children" who chose you. I love you, mama!

It's my party and I'll go completely overboard if I want to

2011-03-31T08:18:00.004-05:00

The other day on Facebook, I took a poll. I asked, "Am I allowed to plan an elaborate 25th birthday party for myself? Or is that weird?" Lots of people seemed to think that was ok.

I'm a self-diagnosed blog-hopper and several of the blogs I follow put up fun party ideas. Because Dave doesn't always want to be fussed over, and I don't have children to throw elaborate parties for, this is the party I want to throw for myself. Luckily, my birthday is a few months away. I have time for elaborate.

Rainbows, sparkles, balloons, streamers, unicorn cookies, and a holi color fight. Because 25 is NOT too old for that. Right?

1. zigzag streamers 2. floral wrapping paper 3. heart wrapping paper 4. giant balloons 5. rainbow layered cake 6. rainbow crepe paper decor 7. striped paper straws 8. holi color party 9. unicorn cookie cutter 10. dusting sugar - glittery

Let's Do This Thang

2011-03-29T07:00:00.006-05:00

Do you know what's weird? I love cooking. I generally enjoy grocery shopping. I like eating meals I have just cooked, and I really like making food for other people to enjoy too. But I've fallen out of those habits for some weird reason. Busyness, sure. Laziness, yes. Who knows what else. Once upon a time I decided I would go without TV for 10 days. It was a smashing success and I'll do that again sometime. And after a few "you've got to control yourself, woman!" pep-talks from myself and a few "you really shouldn't be eating that" comments from Dave to which I replied with a head turned around backward and turning my eyeballs green, I decided to try that with eating out. I keep asking him to help me with this and then being not-so-kind when he tries to help. What's up with that? So, I decided yesterday that I was in serious need of an eating-out fast. I put the word out there into the "universe" also known as twitter and Lillian B. was on board. We then asked our friend Amanda and SHE was on board. So now, here we are. 3 families in the neighborhood deciding to do an eating-out fast for two whole weeks. Hold on a second. TWO WHOLE WEEKS! (that's better.) Do you know what? I think you should do it too! It will save you money, it will be a great way for your family to be together, it will be healthier, and it will be a grand adventure. If you're up for the challenge, leave a comment on this post. If you have a blog and will be documenting the challenge at all, leave the link and I'll post them later on. I love a good group effort. So, who's with me?

Heading Home

2011-03-28T08:07:00.004-05:00

Nashville is a wonderful place. I love living here. But do you know what Nashville is missing? Family.

It's been over a year since Dave and I have gone back to Missouri together. That is TOO LONG. Thankfully, our families have visited here, so we haven't gone completely without. In 24 days we're FINALLY going back for a visit. It's going to be a too-short visit, but some is better than none. Talking to my sister the other day, I told her I'm so excited about going home that I feel like I should make a paper chain to count down the days like we used to do for Christmas. She said, "DO IT!" and that's all the motivation I needed. 26 days, guys. Not only will this be the first time Dave has been home in over a year (or the first time I've been home in almost a year), but my brother and his wife are moving back to Missouri in just a couple of days - so the ENTIRE FAMILY will be together in Camdenton for the first time since Christmas '09. Crazy. We're going to try to relax, have lunch with some old friends, take a small family trip to visit my grandparents, eat my very favorite pizza of all time, sit and talk, play games, and celebrate Easter at worship on the Lake. Trips home to visit the family are never ever long enough.

Pearl and The Beard

2011-03-24T08:06:00.003-05:00

Dave and I went to a house show last night for a band called "Pearl and the Beard" and it was SO SO good.

We bought one album there, and I already bought the other album on iTunes. I wanted to also get their EP, a t-shirt, and a tote bag. Dave is kind of the voice of reason in our relationship. I don't know if you knew that or not.

This was shockingly the first time I had been to a house show. While I kind of get overwhelmed in large groups of people in smallish areas (like the time I went to the Alamo and almost had a panic attack) I really had a great time. We got to sit close to the band, talk to them afterward, and meet some new people. I'm going to have to make a habit of attending house shows. Maybe I'll try to get this social anxiety thing under control first...

If you like excellent music that's quirky and cool, you've got to check these guys out.

Lillian B

2011-03-23T09:39:00.003-05:00

I have talented friends. Seriously. One of those friends is the lovely Lillian B. She's a photographer based out of Nashville and she does AMAAAZING work. This weekend, Dave and I headed to an old farm in Franklin, TN and she took some pictures of us.

I wanted some updated headshots, since I've lost quite a bit of weight since my last ones. And I wanted to get a few of Dave and me as well, for the same reason. Fun fact: the last time Lillian did pictures of Dave and I was when I broke my ankle! I promise she doesn't do that to most of her clients.

I'm pretty insecure about myself in pictures (which is true of basically everyone, I think) and every.single.picture Lillian sent me is a picture I'm proud to show people. To make ME feel CUTE in PICTURES! Pure talent, folks.

If you're in the Nashville area and you're looking for a photographer, definitely check her out. She's awesome.

Big Life Decisions

2011-03-21T09:02:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow evening, the husband and I are going to a meeting about adoption. (!!!) We're still a couple years off from the whole thing probably, but we're ready to gather more information.

Dave was the one who was ready to adopt first. If you know Dave and I, this is a little bit shocking. He's a bit of a slow mover when it comes to life changing decisions. And I'm.... well... let's just say I am not a slow mover. The fact that Dave's heart was in it before mine is a huge encouragement to me that we're doing the right thing. We definitely want to get our lives a little more in check before we take off with the entire process; we're total newbies to the whole thing, but we're excited about taking a baby step forward. We've already got some things decided on.

We'd like to adopt domestically first and then maybe internationally for the next one or two... or 10. In the past several months my heart for domestic adoption has taken on a whole new life and I'm excited to look into it more. Lots of sweet American babies out there need some love.

We're both feeling VERY much like we'd like to adopt from Haiti, but Haitian laws say you must be 35 to adopt from Haiti. That's 10 years off for us, unless they change their laws. I'm personally hoping for a change of laws. I'm just not sure I'd want to be in my 40's and sending my kid off to Kindergarten, you know? It works for some people. Obviously my plans for my own life aren't always what God has in mind for me, I have noticed.

We're only slightly concerned about the finances. This is sort of crazy because our finances aren't exactly impressive. We know that God's plans have very little to do with money. We've seen it in the past and we trust completely that we'll see it in the future. That still leaves some room for concern. I've seen the fee schedule involved in domestic adoption. It's not pretty. It's probably unwise to leap into the process with very little savings available for application fees, attorney costs, and all the other financial things involved. It's SO expensive. (Straw Heart Project could help!) There are a lot of organizations that do grants and loans, there are a lot of people surrounding us that would be willing to help, and there are a LOT of ways God can surprise people, so though finances are scary, they're not a hindrance.

Though this meeting is little more than adding to the information we've got about adoption, I'm awfully excited. It's like saying, "ok. we're sort of more ready!" and that's a fun place to be.

Donations

2011-03-16T08:55:00.004-05:00

You may have noticed that I now have a "Donate" button on my blog. As icky as that feels, it's for a good cause. I'm going back to Haiti this summer and I need to raise about $1300 for the trip. Until the trip, all proceeds from my artwork are going toward the trip fund. That includes custom work! If you want in on that, go right ahead and place an order.

If you don't really like my artwork, I'm going to pretend like that's no big deal, and allow you to just donate to the trip fund.

Thanks friends!

Feeling Lonely

2011-03-14T15:35:00.003-05:00

When I was younger, one of my favorite games to play went something like this: I was at home minding my own business, there was a knock at my door, and I answered the door and found a baby in a basket on the porch with a note that told me to take care of the baby forever. So I did. I loved the feeling that someone else trusted me to care for their child.

As a young married person, I have had probably 30 dreams in total wherein someone around me has a baby and that person is unable to care for the baby for whatever reason. So the baby is given to me to care for forever and raise as my own child.

When Dave and I decided to try to get pregnant, my prayer was always that God would give me peace through the whole thing. I don't remember ever once in the first year or so praying that I would get pregnant soon. It was always asking for peace with God's timing or comfort in the sadness. I didn't plan to pray that way; I just realized a few months ago that I had been praying that way.

When we told people we were starting to try to get pregnant, I always warned, "this could take a while, so don't go crazy just yet" or "who knows what will happen or how long it will take."

Maybe my own intense desires for children clouded my sight for the past 24 years, but I'm beginning to see that God has been preparing me slowly and surely for a struggle with infertility.

I'm not happy with this struggle. As a girl who grew up in church, a young woman figuring out her own faith and the way faith works in general, it's hard for me to say that I'm not happy with where God has placed me. There are days that I'm angry and sad, disappointed with myself, frustrated in my place in life, days that I'm searing with jealousy, days that I want to sleep it off and numb myself to 'infertile living.' There are days where I am lonely for a child in the very pit of me and it's too much to ignore. I absolutely have the desire to carry a child, to give birth, to experience pregnancy, and it hurts me to imagine my life without that experience. Maybe it will happen for me someday. Maybe it won't.

But there are days where I understand a small piece of God's perfect plan. Days I can look at the past and think, "even if I don’t understand it, I was made for this." There are days where I know that my timing wasn't great, and I am thankful I didn't get pregnant right away. I have great joy for friends who are pregnant. I have the desire to live my life to show God's glory, no matter what that means for me and my journey to parenthood. I can honestly say that if this is how God wants to use me, I can handle infertility. Some days it is hard. Very very hard. Some days it isn't.

I definitely don't want sympathy for writing this post; I just want to be completely honest with my life. It's not all perfect, it doesn't all make sense. Infertility is something that's not really talked about very much. So if there are even two people out there who read my blog and are going through the same thing, I want them to know I'm here. I get it. I'm sorry for what you're dealing with, friend. I'm praying for you and I wish so very much that you didn't have to go through this. As you're going though, know you're not alone. There are so many women thrown into this same crappy battle. If you're in the Nashville area and you're struggling with infertility and you would like someone to talk to, email me. We can get together for coffee. I will just sit and listen, if that's what you need. I will cry with you, if that's what you need. I'll pray with you and try to encourage you as best I can, if that's what you need. I have good days and I have bad days, just like you do. So let's do this together.

Tennessee Adventures

2011-03-14T08:14:00.004-05:00

The best man from our wedding, Josh, was in town this weekend. Turns out, getting a friend of Dave's to visit is the trick to getting to go on weekend adventures. Since I love house guests AND adventures, I'm going to go ahead and invite you all over. You'll have to sleep on the couch for now, but we'll have a guest bed very soon. (More on that this week, hopefully.)

Saturday morning, we woke up and headed out on our grand adventures. We grabbed lunch and headed down to Lynchburg, Tennessee to the Jack Daniel's Distillery. If you know me very well, you know I don't care for alcohol, so it wasn't a big deal to me, but the boys were excited.

It ended up being a really cool tour. Lots of interesting sights... and smells... and tour guides... I'm glad I went. Plus, it was a road trip and I am all about the road trip. I sat in the back and got the brunt of the wind.

After we finished up the tour, we went to show Josh the studio where Dave interned and still does some work. It's a really beautiful building, so we like to bring visitors there.

Then we headed back out East for the drive-in theater. The weather on Saturday was absolute perfection, so the drive-in was an obvious choice. It's one of our favorite things to do together, so obviously we're always looking for a reason to go. We saw Rango and True Grit. Both good movies.

I kept saying, "next time you come we should go here!" and "you'll have to come back soon so we can show you this." I need more guests. I was serious about you coming to visit me.

The Bean's Room

2011-03-11T09:23:00.004-06:00

I may or may not be the most excited ever that my sister is planning to move to Nashville in a few months. I will understand if her plans fall through; I will be able to move on. Eventually.

But if all goes as planned, while she looks for a new job and apartment around town, she'll be staying with us. Because I want her to feel oh-so-welcome and maaaaybe because I can't stop the renovation train, I'm switching things up. I'm changing the art room into a guest bedroom! I'm super excited about this. SUPER excited. It also will help me move past the "someday this will be a nursery" feelings that I sometimes get in that room. (My friend Kristle wrote a blog post about this that you can check out here.) Moving on...

We've been slowly putting things in order around the house. I did yet another mantle remix, Dave has totally changed his studio space (pictured below), we're planning to paint the bedroom (if I ever do laundry) and now, I'm tackling the Bean's new room.

I want the room to fit in with the rest of the house, obviously, but I also want it to have a vintage-bohemian feel to it. I'm working on an inspiration board, and I've got a friend coming over tonight to help me purge and reorganize.

The only other thing we need is the sister, right?

Making it a Happy Day

2011-03-09T08:47:00.007-06:00

I'm cold and I'm sleepy, and it's gray and rainy out. So today, I'm gathering my own cheer.

I'm listening to great music.

I'm wearing my famous cheery yellow sweater (pictured on the right). I'm drinking two cups of french vanilla coffee.

I'm window shopping.

I'm reorganizing. I'm skipping a free lunch because it's unhealthy and I'm not upset about it. I'm pretending to understand how Daylight Savings works.

I'm wishing for one of everything from Katie's shop - the cutest shop ever.

I'm looking at this face.

What are you doing to gather cheer?

Haiti - Take 2

2011-03-08T08:48:00.003-06:00

Last week I was asked to return to Haiti this summer to lead a trip for the church youth group. If you are a regular 'round these parts, you know how much I loved my trip to Haiti. It completely changed my life.

Because of all the hubbub surrounding Straw Heart Project, I was unsure about saying yes, initially. I wanted to be available for SHP and didn't know if Haiti would interfere with that. Finally I made the decision to go, and I am SO so glad I did.

I cannot wait to get back to Haiti and experience this joy again.

Though, I'm hoping for a boot and crutchesless trip this time.

Random Things I'm Thinking About Today

2011-03-07T10:01:00.004-06:00

You know in those cheesy interviews with people wearing turtlenecks, when they turn toward the camera at the beginning and say something like, "oh hello." Like maybe that camera crew surprised them. But they already had an interview ready to go, just in case people showed up. Well, I always have a bit of an urge to start a blog post that way... Well, hi! Fancy meeting you here, on my blog that I write so people will come read it! I can't believe you're here; in that case, let's gets started! And then I'd continue.

This is the time of year when people on facebook get very angry with winter. At the beginning, everyone's like, "oh man, this snow is beautiful!" and "I'm loving being bundled up by the fire" but then come March they're quite through. It's like, "winter, if you don't get the (bleep) out of here, I'm going to go crazy." And I'm pretty sure they mean it, because they're not actually bleeping.

There are few things in life (unfortunately) that get me really fired up, things I decide to take a stand on. I am not a parent. I don't know how difficult it is. I do know that I'm not supposed to judge people for the decisions they make as parents. But sometimes I judge. One of those things I get all judgy about is allowing little kids to watch certain R rated movies. One time Dave and I went to see a triple feature at the drive-in theater. We didn't want to watch the first movie, so we got there about halfway through. When we arrived, there was a dad watching Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN with his probably 3 or 4 year old daughter. First of all, yikes. Second of all, that movie is 30% bloody murdering, 30% nudity, and 40% F-word. And there she is, sitting on the top of her dad's pickup truck soaking it all in. I was outraged. I kept asking Dave if I should offer to "babysit" her and take her over to the concession stand to play with her while the movie finished. He decided that was probably a quick trip to a black eye. It makes me sad for future generations to imagine that their sweet little minds are already exposed to that kind of trash so early. And... rant over.

Having a game night is one of the quickest and best ways to get to know people better. Some of my closest friends have game night pretty often, and it always always involves tears from laughing too hard. Why do people not play games more often? We should institute a world-wide game night wherein everyone has to play telephone-pictionary for two hours once a month. More, if you're so inclined. (Which I am.)

P.S. Telephone-pictionary is a game where you write down a phrase, or a thing, whatever you want, basically. Then you pass it to the person to your right. They draw a picture of that thing you just wrote down on a new sheet of paper, and pass their drawing to the person on their right. That person then writes down what they think the picture is. And so on until everyone is cracking up. You should try it.

A Big Story about a Little Idea

2011-03-04T08:56:00.007-06:00

Once upon a time, there was a lady who called her self gypsy-hearted because she bounced from passion to passion and couldn't ever find "the thing" that made her happy for a long time. Well, I mean, her husband and her family and her friends made her really happy... but the other "thing."

Sometimes people would ask her, "If you could have any job in the whole world, what would it be?" And she was like, "ummm.... well... I don't really know...." and she felt confused about her gypsy-heart. She couldn't understand herself and that was sad because movies and tv had taught her that she couldn't be happy until she figured her own life out.

Then one day, she went to Haiti and learned the names of 30 orphans. She held them and played with them and sang songs in Creole with them. They loudly knocked on her heart and marched themselves right in. And there they sat for months and months. The girl had dreams about the orphans, told stories about them, looked at pictures of them over and over. She wanted to do more.

After months of thinking about her friends in Haiti, she finally had an idea. She could help them. She couldn't adopt just yet, but she could help other people who could adopt. So she made t-shirts and tote bags and coloring books. She had about 70,000 other ideas of ways to raise money for adoptions, but she was "too busy" to put the ideas to use.

After another couple months of having new ideas, she had one big idea. One idea that made her very excited and very nervous. She thought, "surely I'm not the only gypsy-hearted artist who cares about orphans and about adoption. There have got to be more people like me." That day she wrote up an outline for a nameless idea that would put artists and adopting families together to raise money. Her wandering soul was so happy. She could keep coming up with new ideas, bounce around from project to project, help families, help orphans, meet new people, and be creative every day.

She began to tell people about her little idea, and they got excited too. They said very nice things about her idea and encouraged her to keep going with it. Friends and strangers offered to help and wanted to learn more. In just a few days, her little idea went from a fun personal project to a website with almost 800 views in one day. Her heart was exploding with happiness and thankfulness and excitement.

The End. Except it is not actually the end. It's just the beginning.

That's A Lot of Stuff

2011-03-02T15:04:00.004-06:00

There was such a time when I had Bible study on Monday evenings, pottery class on Tuesday evenings, youth group and mentoring on Wednesdays, health coaching on Thursday, and anything else I had to do during the week on Fridays, such as grocery shopping or seeing my husband. I was also trying to get pregnant, keep two art shops and three blogs alive, start a non-profit business, completely change the way I care for my body, and you know... have a life. You might imagine that this was a bit of a hectic time for me. You'd be imagining correctly.

But several of those things are done now, and I keep sitting at home lately and thinking, "it's Tuesday. What is it I'm supposed to do on Tuesday?" And when the answer is 'nothing' I kind of breathe out and dance a teeny jig or make up a song (which I do ALL the time.)

Speaking of making up songs, the other day I was at Target looking through the clearance racks with my friend Amanda, and I sang out, "I love CLEARAAAAANCE!" I turned to Amanda who, turns out, wasn't Amanda but a mid-40's frowny woman who only slightly nodded when I sang her my clearance song. I couldn't decide if I should tell her I thought she was someone else or to just let it slide, but by the time I stopped figuring out a way to recover, I figured it was too late to be smooth about it anway. Which was realistically impossible, I'm sure.

So anyway, I'm cooling down. I'm thinking and living purposefully and I like it a lot. Who would've guessed?

Good Things Come

2011-03-02T08:13:00.004-06:00

Things I've been waiting for that are finally happening:

I rotated my fall/winter albums out and filled my cd-holder with spring music.

I had frozen yogurt last night.

The sun is out in the morning when I wake up and in the evening when I get home.

The drive-in opens up this weekend.

My computer background is a floral picture again.

I'm wearing open toed shoes often.

My little sister is about to finish cosmetology school and is thinking about MOVING TO NASHVILLE OH MY GOODNESS OH MY GOODNESS.

Three and a half years ago, I moved to Nashville. 8-9 hours away from my family. Since that moment, I've been trying to talk my family into moving here. Subtly and not so subtly. Finally, one of them is considering it. And it's the Bean! In my head, this is the greatest thing ever. We are very very good friends. And I miss her dearly.

Website Design for SHP

2011-03-01T07:34:00.003-06:00

Kelli has been mentioned on this blog a few times. She's really cool. Also, she's really talented. She just made the Straw Heart Project website and it. is. awesome.

http://www.strawheartproject.org/ is up and ready to go!

From this website you can print applications to volunteer, an application to be considered as our next adoptive family, learn about our current projects and upcoming events... it's just awesome.

Can you tell I'm a little excited about this?

Best Friends

2011-02-24T08:48:00.005-06:00

Without getting overly emotional or personal (ha, like that's ever stopped me from posting something on this blog) I want to say a quick thanks to my friends and family. I have some really great friends and family. So, this is an open letter to all my closest friends.

Lately I have been flighty, "too busy" and preoccupied. I've been quick to getting angry and/or hurt and I've been slow to show grace and thankfulness. I've been kind of a suckity friend lately. And I don't use the word suckity very often... unless I really mean it.

I did not forget all the wonderful things you've been doing for me lately. I didn't overlook your emotional support, your words of affirmation, your enthusiasm for my life, and your sweet and constant friendship.

If it weren't for you, I would be lost and lonely. I mean that. I tried life without friends once. It didn't really work out.

So thanks. I like you quite a lot.

(I want you to know that our relationship is important to me. If you're not pictured, it's not because I don't appreciate you; it's probably because I don't have a picture.)

*note: this is sparkling grape juice - which is like, my favorite ever beverage and the fastest way into my heart. also, please note I have lost weight since this picture, thankyouverymuch.

Office Stuff

2011-02-23T09:02:00.004-06:00

I've had the early-spring (technically it's not spring yet, but whatever...) urge to organize everything. Every. Thing. So I went on a mental shopping spree yesterday to buy organizational things for my imaginary office, because that's what you do when you're trying to pay off debt and have a savings, etc.

These are the items I put in my shopping carts before I deleted them.

1. Cutie file folder boxes. I'd stick with brown, I think. 2. Elegant file folders. Because if you can have a pretty folder over a plain folder, why on earth would you pick plain? 3. Retro pens because they match. 4. Jadeite Desk Set because it's one of the colors I'm obsessing over now. and 5. The camera pencil sharpener because ARE YOU KIDDING ME with that cuteness? And the fact that Dave and I have started inadvertently collecting vintage cameras... and my current pencil sharpener is broken. If that wasn't sold out, I would have actually purchased it maybe.

But since my shopping is imaginary anyway, I'm going to go ahead and put this on the list.

Nice Weather

2011-02-21T09:40:00.004-06:00

This weekend was exactly what I needed. I did a whole lot of this.

I met some new friends, did a little thrifting, a little clearance shopping (hello $6 jeans!), and a teeny bit of project accomplishing.

I've been itching to make one of these Food Passports since I first saw them over here, and this weekend I finally made it! I'm in love with it.

The amazing weather, the fun friends, the cheap shopping loot, and the minty green nail polish really made for a great weekend.

So Stinking Much

2011-02-18T07:42:00.003-06:00

I have a friend that I meet with every week or so for mentoring. Last night we met for coffee and I tried to give her the recap on the past couple of weeks and ended up talking basically nonstop the entire hour and a half. Seriously. So much talking.

But it made me realize just how jam-packed my life has been lately. I've had time for nothing because I'm trying to make time for everything. Know what I mean? I'm sure you do, if you live in America. So this weekend, I had planned on painting the bedroom (and I may still) but what I really want to do is relax. I want to play outside, cook my own meals, take a nap or two, watch old movies on tv with my favorite quilt, and relax.

Because if it takes me an hour and a half to recap the past two weeks, that's too much stuff.

People are Sweet

2011-02-17T07:38:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a strange day. There was a lot of awesome in the morning, some really great around lunch time, and a moment of pretty significant disappointment in the afternoon, and then when I got home from work I had a beautiful surprise. No, not another headboard.One of the sweetest people I ever had the chance to meet is Kelli. She's been helping me all along the way with Straw Heart Project stuff, and she decided to send me this beautiful copper wire Straw Heart Project logo. I'm in love. Because of the aforementioned disappointment in the day, coming home to something like this was such a sweet surprise. Shocker, I teared up, but they were happy tears. Thanks, Kelli! For just being so awesome.

It's My Favorite

2011-02-16T07:35:00.006-06:00

If you don't follow me (or design*sponge) on twitter and you're not my facebook friend, you don't know that yesterday afternoon, Grace of design*sponge retweeted a link to my blog to show the amazing headboard Mr. Hagen made for me for Valentine's Day.

First of all - holy flippin' smokes, that lady has got some pull. TEN TIMES my highest ever daily traffic came through the site yesterday. That is blowing my mind. Still. And secondly, that means that if any of you happened to stick around, you know nothing about me. So, because my mind is completely elsewhere this morning AND because you don't me, I think a "my favorite things" post is fitting. If you visited because of Ms. Grace's tweet, thanks for stopping by. If you visited because you know me and you like me, also thanks. I like you, too.

My current list of favorite things

1. Annie's Organic Cheddar Bunnies. For real. That's where it's at.

2. This nursery design. I'm not currently decorating a nursery, guys. So quit it with the assumptions. But it is perfect! That chevron light fixture is seriously a DIY waiting to happen. And that ottoman! For heaven's sake.

3. This phone picture. Yesterday as Dave and I drove to dinner we could not stop talking about the sky. The WHOLE sky was impressive. Not just the sunset part. We tried to take panoramas on our phones because we're Hagens and that's what we do. This is the image I got.

4. Straw Heart Project love. I know, I know, I said that a couple days ago. But it's STILL one of my favorite things. I've had several people offer to help on projects in the past couple days and that is huge! Without volunteers, this won't really work. So if you're thinking of volunteering to help with a project, let me know. I promise I won't make you do something you really don't want to do, like the "turn to your neighbor and tell them you're thankful they're here" part of church on Sunday that no one enjoys but we keep doing it anyway.

5. This Food Passport by the cool ladies over at Spotted Fox. It's a little bit of an issue with me and my friends that we eat at the same 5 places over and over and over. When my parents come to town, I generally convince them to eat places, "because I really like it, but the HBC doesn't really so we never get to go there." (HBC is what we call our neighborhood... we realized a few months ago that we all think "C" stands for something else. I think it's crew. Some say community. Whatever. To each his own, I suppose. We eat most meals together. Like... several a week.) So, I suggested to the matriarchs of the HBC that we make a food passport to encourage us to branch out.

6. This light fixture. What's my deal with light fixtures today? I think this is totally DIYable too. Gorgeous.

7. Super amazing handmade watches that I posted about over on SimplyTooMuch. Go check them out. They will floor you.

What are some of YOUR favorite things lately?

He's Kinda Cool I Guess

2011-02-15T07:53:00.004-06:00

I asked Dave to take a few pictures of the Valentine's gift he made me "so I can show everyone how awesome you are" and he said, "right. Because THAT'S what your blog needs more of."

So because it has been mentioned by several people that maybe I talk a bit too much about liking my husband (you're welcome, Dave) and because he gets a little bit embarassed by that kind of thing, I'm going to keep this as non-flowery as I can.

I came home from work yesterday and Dave was almost finished building this.

Be still my heart. He had remembered this post and decided to get to work on the headboard while I was out. It was such a great surprise and the end result is beautiful. A perfect Valentine's gift from my handsome Valentine. And that's all I'm going to say. Even though I wanted to say more. See? That wasn't too flowery?

Um, Thanks.

2011-02-14T08:07:00.002-06:00

I've mentioned a few times how much I love Google Analytics. I can track blog stats and readers and all that fun stuff.

Here are some things I learned from Google Analytics, I have had visitors from 6 continents, Tennessee and Missouri are my top two states for readers, followed by West Virginia (shoutout to Kelli, Brittany, and Amy!), most of the people who read this blog click through from facebook, and that the love you friends showed me last Friday was actually very very much love.

Several of you passed the word along about Straw Heart Project. You put up links on facebook and twitter, you sent me encouraging words, you showed an interest that I wasn't expecting. You tripled my normal blog stats. TRIPLED! Just because you cared about what I'm doing.

This weekend, I went to a youth camp for girls and we learned about love. We talked about loving others well, loving ourselves well, and the love God has for us. The night we discussed loving ourselves well, the speaker (my friend Ellen) said, "we tell lies to ourselves over and over. The things we think about our lives are not always true. When you find yourself believing a lie, replace it with truth." The lie I keep believing about myself is that I can't do Straw Heart Project. That I'm not good enough or focused enough, that other people won't care about it, and I'll be trapped into doing it all on my own and the whole idea will fail because I don't have what it takes to keep it afloat.

Those are lies. The truth I had to see was that you, friendly blog folks from 6 continents, really cared about what I was doing. You believed in me enough to tell your friends about it. You liked my idea enough to say, "This is a great idea. I can't wait to see the work you do." I was in tears several times on Friday and this weekend because of the words of encouragement you sent my way.

I get sappy on this blog pretty often, I know that. And I know that some of you are probably sick of the serious posts and want me to get back to writing about whatever ridiculous things I think of (i.e. Garth Brooks) but I HAD to tell you thank you. Thanks for your support and encouragement over the past few days. Thank you for reading my blog when it's normally filled with nonsense (i.e. Garth Brooks) and for coming back to see what else I'm up to. This little space started as a way for me to keep friends and family updated on our lives in Tennessee. It has turned into so much more than that. It's therapy. It's encouragement. It's a way to make new friends; it's an idea springboard.

I love that. And this sounds super-incredibly cheesy, but I love YOU, blog readers. Thanks for making my Friday the biggest blog day ever and the biggest boost of encouragement I could never have imagined. I rather like you folks.

Straw Heart Project

2011-02-11T08:10:00.004-06:00

This has been a very unique few days. A great few days, definitely, but quite out of the ordinary.

Wednesday, if you said a prayer for me, it totally worked. Thank you! The whole day was filled with encouragement and what felt like purpose. It was so good. So good in fact, that I want to finally tell you some more about this whole "nonprofit business" idea I keep hinting at. Right now I haven't taken the steps to becoming a business - I'm just in the "let's do this and see how it goes" stage. Which is a very fun stage!

The name of the thing is Straw Heart Project. This is our logo.

Our purpose is raising money for families who are in the process of adopting. We're raising money through different creative projects, and that's basically it. Easy right? I'm starting small - one or two families at a time, doing what I can to help them bring their kids home. Creative projects can be anything from making necklaces to sell, to holding an art fair, to hosting a benefit concert. Lots of ideas in this ol' head of mine.

Several months ago, I had the opportunity to create coloring books, tote bags, and t-shirts for a family adopting three kids from Haiti. It stirred something up in side of me that I can't ignore. So now, here I am. Plowing forward with Straw Heart Project and doing my little part to bring families together. Because, for heaven's sake, why not?!

Also... if you're an artist, writer, photographer, graphic designer, musician, dancer, painter, or creative person of some sort and you want to be a part of Straw Heart Project, email me! I'll always be looking for creative people to help with new projects. And if you're a family who is in the process of adopting a child or children and you're looking for fundraising projects, shoot me an email at strawheartproject@gmail.com because I WANT TO HELP YOU!

God has paved the way big time for this little idea of mine, and I cannot wait to see what He does next. Again... thank you all for the prayers this week!

Overhaul

2011-02-08T07:43:00.002-06:00

My art studio is in SERIOUS need of an overhaul. Mr. Hagen was in a pinch for some rubbermaid containers, so he raided my closet. Did you know that raiding a closet tends to empty all closet contents into the middle of the room? Because evidently, that's the case.

I have a super-duper ugly dresser in my room that is beyond being fixed with a can of paint and some new knobs. The first time I saw the dresser I thought, "No way." But there it was, being hauled into the back of Dave's truck. I've really had a problem with it ever since but was at a loss for what to do with it. I saw this image on Design Sponge and thought, well this may work!

I'm thinking I'll put the ugly facade of the dresser drawers underneath and leave the blank wood up top. Maybe I'll paint the top then - that could work. And then I was thinking about the empty shell of the dresser with no drawers. (I've used "ugly facade" and "empty shell" in this post already. It's starting to sound like an emo song.) And I thought, "I'll bet Dave could put some plywood or something in there and make an open faced storage unit." And guess what, that would DOUBLE the storage! DOUBLE IT. Now... to have the time and motivation for this project.... I'll get back with you about that.

Prayer Requests

2011-02-07T07:51:00.004-06:00

I'm popping in to say hello on my coffee break this morning because I had a super busy weekend that didn't involve much blogging. Or any. One of the things I got to do this weekend was an event called The Movement set up by high school kids who are starting to raise awareness for orphan care in their high schools. Amazing and inspirational. I'm so proud of those kids (I know a few who are involved) and what they're doing. It helps that I'm riding an adoption and orphan care wave right now as well, and this upcoming week is exciting for that very reason.

This week is a big week for me for a couple of different reasons, and I just wanted to let you know in case you'd like to say a prayer for me. I've got the day off of work on Wednesday, and I crampacked it with meetings and non-work working and brainstorming sessions and all sorts of things to that effect. All sorts of things that I'm filled to the brim with excitement about.

I'm praying that God will take my tiny seed of an idea and grow it into something awesome. I'm praying that bits and pieces of things in my life that haven't always made sense will finally fit together. I'm praying that I'll be able to make my thoughts come across well and make sense to other people, and I'm praying that I won't be discouraged and blocked by my own self-doubt. Join me, if you're the praying type. I could really use it on Wednesday!

An Unbreakable Bond

2011-02-04T09:12:00.004-06:00

The interesting thing about Garth Brooks... well, wait a second, I shouldn't say THE interesting thing about Garth Brooks. Because do you remember Chris Gaines? What a mess. That might be THE interesting thing about him. But the thing I was going to say first is also interesting. It's this: even people who don't like Garth Brooks like to sing along to Garth Brooks. They get excited when they hear that low grumble, even if they really don't like the song. Amazing. How does that work?

image from Google

Last night, I was at a concert in Nashville that I will hopefully blog about soon, but while we were waiting for the show to get started, "Friends in Low Places" came on overhead and I got FAR too excited.

I do have lovely fond memories of listening to that album as a kid in my room. Playing "The Thunder Rolls" on repeat and trying to get my elementary school girl voice to get as low as Garth's, which realistically is impossible but it's still fun to try.

Even though the nostalgia of that song is fun for me, it's something more. It draws me in. I was surprised when I didn't hear everyone start in on "Blame it all on my roots..." and I still feel that I should allow myself to not feel guilty over the level of disappointment I experienced when I was the only person I heard singing. Slowly but surely, more and more people began to confess their love for Garth and his magical powers. You could hear people singing all around the venue once the chorus started in.

It was like we all shared this moment, unified in our love of cheesy, twangy, country gold and that bond can never be broken. We should have held hands and cried after.

Simply Too Much

2011-02-02T07:28:00.003-06:00

Just a quick little note today and a friendly hello. Hello, friend!

I finally let my new blog out into the world last week. I've only got a handful of posts up, but I hope you'll stop by and take a look. It's a totally different feel than Rest On Me... which is fun for me. I like to switch it up, you know.

The blog is called Simply Too Much and it's a little more professional (or something). I'm hoping to update it several times a week, and I'd love for you to check it out.

As a side note, I got the trench coat in the mail that I mentioned in one of the posts... and it is glorious. GLORIOUS.

Blizzards

2011-02-01T08:14:00.004-06:00

While it's currently blizzarding in my home town of Camdenton, Missouri, it's 54 degrees here in Nashville. They're calling for up to 20 inches back home. I'm sure the ice and snow will cause some power outtages, I'm sure that driving anywhere will be impossible for a while, and I'm sure that Wal-Mart was a mess yesterday as people prepared to be stuck at home for a week. But do you know what? I whole-heartedly wish I was there. There's something perfect about a day stuck at home.

Some of my best memories are during snow days. (Or snow weeks, as we had living on the farm.) One week when I was in the 5th or 6th grade probably, we were snowed in. I remember very little about that week other than the fact that I found some drifts that let me fall into the snow up to my thighs, and that we played about 7000 rounds of Rummy. I don't remember any sibling fighting or any "being totally bored." All I remember is being home together and it being awesome.

Fast forward several years to when Dave and I were dating. I would have been a junior in high school. He had been over watching movies with my brother, Steve, and I when the snow storm hit and was trapped at our house overnight. Dave and I decided to skate up to the gas station at the top of the hill to get some much needed Mountain Dew and sunflower seeds, I'm sure. But that walk up to the top of the hill at 11:00 at night in the fresh snow and ice... it was magical. We slid up and down the street while the snow was still falling. It's still one of my very favorite memories with Dave.

Why is snow so awesome? And why is it not snowing in Nashville? And why am I not home with my family playing Rummy?

Risky

2011-01-31T08:37:00.003-06:00

There's kind of a strange thing happening around here. By here, I mean me. I'm going to use a lengthy metaphor here, so I hope I don't lose you. Not that I think I would lose you, I know you're all very smart folks and things like metaphors aren't necessarily that complicated. But really... it's lengthy.

So, you've heard the phrase, "when God closes a door, another one opens." Right? Well, I've been pacing around a windowless, doorless room for about two and a half years. I keep assuming a door or window would appear and i'd casually run for my life out of the door. It kept not happening. A week ago today, I had some friends pray for me. I was at the end of my windowless,doorless room rope and I needed some back up. And wouldn't you know it, a door appeared on Tuesday. Out of the blue. The door is still shut, or maybe open a crack, but there's a door. Wednesday, it opened just a crack more. Thursday, a window opened wide up. But there's this door still. And I'm awfully interested in this door. But the window. GUYS? The window seems like so much fun too.

So basically I'm trying to figure out if I can squeeze through the window, or if I should take my chances on this door.

Speaking in code wears me out.

TwentyTwo

2011-01-28T08:16:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I was chatting with my extremely talented friend Lillian who has taken all my headshots (like I'm sooo glamorous) and I mentioned to her that I probably need new pictures since my face is so much slimmer now. That's kind of an excellent problem to have, right? So that got me thinking that I should try to weigh myself.

I have been working really hard on being healthy. You know this if you regularly read this blog, or follow me on twitter, or are facebook friends with me... or real life friends also, I suppose. I've cut out some of my favorite things to eat and drink (Dr. Pepper), I've starting eating things that were never on my radar before this year (quinoa and kale), and it's been a struggle on and off. There were a few days tucked in there in which I hated the whole process.

But here's the thing. Last night I weighed myself for the first time in months. TWENTY TWO POUNDS, I have lost. You guys! TWENTY TWO! Can you even believe that?

It was such a fun surprise to see that I'd lost that much weight, because honestly losing weight wasn't my goal. Of course I would have welcomed that side effect, but being healthy was what I was after. I wanted to be in control of what I was eating and not letting that junk control me. I wanted to be able to see an ice cold fountain Dr. Pepper in front of me, and choose water instead. I wanted control of my own life. I didn't want my own irrational eating patterns to tell my body to stop functioning properly. I was sick of being dictated by my food choices.

If you have never had an issue with overeating, emotional eating, weight and self-image, etc.... that whole former paragraph probably seems like an exaggeration. But I really do mean all of that. It was out of control. Absolutely out of control. I work with a health coach who has been great. Just the right amount of encouragement and push. This is going to sound like a PSA, I'm warning you, but if you feel like you're not in control of your food like you think you should be, I really recommend Eleanor Haddad. She has helped me change the way I feel about food, the way I understand food, and the way I feel and understand myself. That's a big deal, no? Also, TWENTY TWO POUNDS. Gone.

Hopeful

2011-01-27T08:29:00.003-06:00

There's a fine line between obsessing over something that may be unhealthy, and allowing yourself to think about that something. I went a long time in my life assuming that any negative feelings I may have had were automatically bad and should be ignored. This was all me, by the way, it's not something my family does that has scarred me for life. My mom is so great at saying, "hey, I noticed you don't seem like yourself. Is something going on?" It's one of her greatest traits, in my opinion. But I still always had an overpowering urge to stifle any hurt or sadness. Turns out, that's not always healthy. Who'd have thought? I'm still learning this, slowly but surely.

One of those things that I still have an urge to totally ignore is my infertility. I'm trying to find the balance between obsessing day and night over the fact or ignoring it completely, letting it fall to the back of my mind. I like not being reminded of it at every moment. I really like hanging out with the wonderful neighbor kids without thinking, "why can't I have sweet kids like this?" And I like feeling... normal (in my mind there exists this magical thing of 'normal' that I don't quite understand, but it really seems exciting) most of the time.

And then I have moments where I think, "as soon as I get pregnant, I'm going to throw a huge party and I'm going to decorate it like this, and have this type of cake, and we're going to announce it like this..." and my mind goes to a really exciting and hopeful place, if I'm doing the thinking right. If I'm not doing it right, I watch a movie about a woman who has a baby and I'm in a funk for three days because it just hasn't happened yet and that makes me really sad. So what's the difference? I've got no clue.

So, in the excited and hopeful stage I'm in right now, I am mentally planning the big announcement party that I throw when Dave and I find out we're going to have a baby. This could be four years from now, but I'm still excited. And I really feel like that's an ok place for me to be. I could be wrong, of course. I've been wrong about my own mental health many times before. That's surprising isn't it?!

I'm excited that I might someday be able to sit down with a friend and say, "hey guess what. I'm going to have a baby." And I'm excited that someday I'll be able to sit with a friend going through something as painful as infertility and say, "I know exactly how you feel. I'm here for you." And I'm excited that I can someday sit with my child, whether natural birth or adoption take place, and say, "do you know what? I wanted you SO much. More that you will ever understand, and I waited and waited for you to get here because I already had a heart filled up with love for you before you were even born."

And if that's not the healthy kind of thinking, I'm not sure what is.

Maybe Pajamas are the Problem

2011-01-25T09:22:00.008-06:00

I have no internet at home these days because I'm not what you would call "a smart shopper" when it comes to things like that and I have no interest in shopping for the best prices and service. I much prefer hitting up the clearance racks at Gap and buying red corduroy pants and the most beautiful skirt and top in all the land. But no internet sort of makes my blogging schedule a little sporadic (as you may have noticed). Until I can learn to type entire blog posts from my iPhone, or AT&T implements a clearance rack for internet services, I'm stuck to disorganized updates.

Sometimes I like to imagine that I'm the type of gal who will go sit at the coffee shop three nights a week, tiptapping on my laptop and getting things accomplished. Then I think, "I don't wear dresses often enough to be that type of gal," or I think, "they're probably just playing Farmville or something and pretending to work." So, you know, I don't go.

Last night when I got home from work, there was a package waiting for me. Contents: all my free time for the rest of forever. Mario All Stars, Super Mario Kart, Donkey Kong, etc. So yes, I changed into comfy clothes and sat down on the living room floor and did this for 2 hours.

It's hard to sit on the floor in a dress. So, it makes sense to me that if I had more dresses, I would blog more. Right?

Phone Fun

2011-01-20T10:37:00.007-06:00

There's an app I was recently turned on to called Adobe Ideas and it is changing the way I use my phone. It's no longer just a facebook and twitter machine. It's also an art machine. Or "art" maybe is more accurate. If it's in quotes, it's less commital.
Ok, and seriously, if this doesn't make you laugh, the 45 minutes I spent creating it were a giant waste.

Irrational Fears

2011-01-19T09:52:00.004-06:00

As time goes on, I begin to realize that things I'm afraid of aren't the same things other people are afraid of. The incident that got me thinking about all of this was a couple days ago outside one of our favorite burrito places. Dave saw a concrete flower box and decided he needed to jump onto it from a stand still without using his hands. It was about thigh-high I would guess. The first time he jumped, he barely touched it with one hand. Tried again, used his hands again. Third time, SLAM. One shin busted open.

DID YOU NOT SEE THAT COMING?

Well, the whole time Dave was practicing his feat of daredevilry, I was standing back with my hands on my face, shaking my head no. It was as if I was watching him bungee jump without an actual bungee. I was scared to death. For good reason obviously, as he now has a big gash and a knot the size of a ping pong ball on his leg. (Though I have a lovely cell phone picture of it, I'll spare you the sight.) But for the most part, my "oh no. This is not going to end well. This is a disaster; we're all going to die because you're doing that" instincts are incorrect.

Here are somethings you probably didn't know about me: I'm afraid to wear headphones in public because it makes it easier for people to sneak up on me. Sometimes when I get in the elevator, I stand in the very corner facing out because I'm afraid I somehow got into the elevator without seeing someone and they'll startle me when I realize they were in there after all. I cannot be in a pitch black room with other people because they might bump into me or worse... THEY WILL SNEAK UP ON ME. Do you see a trend here? What's the deal? Was I snuck up on a lot as a child?

Wishy Washy

2011-01-18T07:42:00.003-06:00

For the life of me, I cannot make up my mind. I have a favorite... but I just can't decide.

Which of these do you like better?

These two little guys are header ideas for my new blog! You can see in the first one that I'm planning on featuring "lovely things, art, and d.i.y." and I'm excited! I've got quite a bit of tinkering to do before I really pass along the link, but better to be prepared, right?

So what do you think? Do you like those dreamy pastels, or the bow?

He's kind of a Big Deal

2011-01-14T13:19:00.005-06:00

Once upon a time, some guy asked me if I'd be interested in moving to Nashville with him. I was like, "I guess since we're married, that'd be a good idea if we lived in the same state, plus HECK YES." And we set out on a grand adventure of life, college-from-a-distance, internships and work, learning to love new things, and holding on to the old things. It was every kind of wonderful and every kind of difficult.

I'm afraid I've voiced my opinion on the difficult part a bit too often. Being in the music business is haaaaard work. It requires the most ridiculous schedules, the exactly right connections, and the ability to live off little (or no) income for sometimes very long periods of time. This is also very hard for the spouse of a music industry worker, you may imagine. For example, scheduling anything, or spending time with said music industry worker.

But the wonderful part? Oh my, the wonderfulness. First of all, cool points. "Yeah, I'm in the music business." And "my husband's a recording engineer." Obviously that makes us cool, right? Note: significantly less cool when you live in a town where errybody in da club's in "the business." And also less cool because, well, for one, I'm not actually a very cool person. I'm more of a friendly person, or she-seems-smart-I-guess person. But aside from imaginary cool points, you get a life full of creativity.

A creative life may not seem important to you. But for heaven's sake, it is SO important. Coming from someone who has been told at work, "you need to NOT be creative here" in a completely serious conversation, and someone who is itching to be creative at every moment of the day, being in a profession that is creative at its core... well that's a big deal. Our home is full of music, and the fact that Dave gets to be surrounded by that every day, that he's got a never-ending passion and interest in his career, and he's encouraged to be creative... that is a BIG. DEAL.

Last week, we got a much anticipated paycheck from one of Dave's 2010 projects and were able to pay off a big chunk of debt. IT FELT SO GOOD. If everything goes smoothly (i.e. we don't have two cars break down and/or get in accidents like the last time we thought we'd be out of debt) in the next couple of weeks before we get the second half of his last 2010 paycheck, we will be completely debt free! YOU GUYS! DEBT FREE!

I've said it a million times - Dave is one of the hardest workers I've ever met. He's not just at work a lot, but he puts his whole self into everything he does; he's great at what he does. Just try goofing around while you're staining a fence with him. He's all business, folks.

Catching Up

2011-01-14T08:21:00.003-06:00

It seems I have been in hibernation this winter. Warm and dormant, waiting for... I don't know. Spring or something? I'm finally getting caught back up, and I really think I can at least partially blame the fact that I've not been watching tv for about a week. It's wonderful! I have watched a movie or two with Dave, as he is not as excited as I am about not watching tv and just wanders aimlessly around the house saying, "I want to watch tv." (Insert Charlie Brown sad music.)

If you're a hardcore television watcher, like Dave and I, I SO suggested shutting it off for a week. You'll be surprised with how much fun it is to actually interact with your spouse instead of just sitting next to each other! Or how much time you've got for coloring or doing a mantle remix.

Because what the world really really needs is more coloring.

Oh oo OH The Sweetest Thing

2011-01-13T08:05:00.004-06:00

First things first, you're welcome for getting that awesome song stuck in your head!

I had a funny post up about hipsters just now- about my distaste for ironic mustaches and the fact that if a band is popular, that shouldn't automatically make someone not like them. I decided it was a bit too snarky for me, and the last thing the blog world needs is more snark. Am I right?

So, I'm going to zap you with sweetness to try to overcome the negativity that is a dicussion about hipsters and KidsTheseDays. I am wearing sparkly shoes AND a sparkly scarf today, so being snarky just would not have worked.

First off, the sweetest downloadable desktop wallpapers by Mae. Those roses make me want to squeeze something white and fluffy while I giggle.

Secondly, this little video. This is the very sweetest video ever made I think. Either that, or the giggling pile of babies; that's pretty sweet too.

And to top it all off, Snickerdoodle cupcakes. One of these days, it will be safe for me to eat sugar, I like to hope. On that day, I plan to try to recreate these cupcakes from Emma at Red Velvet. I had a couple art classes with Emma in college and she worked on the student film Dave worked on... so I trust her judgement in cupcakes. Even though those things are completely unrelated. Whatever. Snickerdoodle. Cupcakes.

Oh Tuesday. You Trickster.

2011-01-12T07:29:00.003-06:00

I had the loveliest of weekends. I did the smallest bit of sewing on Friday evening.

Saturday, I had a super date night with Dave. We ate crab legs, went to the second run theater to see Social Network, and played darts at home. Proof of my amazing dart skills below.

Sunday, I was Super Crankypants after church so I napped. The nap fixed me, as they always do, and then I worked all evening on finishing up the blogging e-course I'm taking. It was really fun! I totally recommend it if you're a blogger, or you want to be.

And Monday, it was snowy again in Nashville, which is always fun for me. Work was called off due to the ~4" and the neighborhood played all day. We built two snowmen in my yard, we ate both lunch and dinner together, and we finally exchanged our Christmas gifts.

But we won't even talk about yesterday, though, ok? Because I'm trying to not complain, and getting me started on yesterday would surely break a few rules in that department. Suffice it to say, "the pits." Also let's go ahead and throw "dadgum" and "really?!" in there for good measure.

Home Inspiration

2011-01-06T08:52:00.009-06:00

I've decided to go ten days without television at home. This maybe doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but I assure you - it is to me. These Hagens can watch tv like you wouldn't believe.

Saturday and Sunday I shall be home all day with no tv watching; the real test begins. I also have a brand new clear pastic art supplies organizer, a side-of-the-road-awfully-dirty find from my friend Lillian that needs a good scrub and a place to be hung. I've also got some beautiful fabric that's a year old, just begging to be turned into some new pillows. I've got a new idea, some time on my hands, and the redecorating bug. What's new? You may ask. Well, here's what's new:

NO TV to keep me from my ideas!

Assuming I can get the tiniest bit of help from Mr. Hagen, these pictures are where I'm heading with the new interior design look:

source (top two photos)

This headboard will be mine! This is the part that I need Dave for. Davie, if you're out there. I need this headboard. (source)

This is so dreamy and delicate. It soothes me. (source)

And this is quite masculine compared to the former picture, but I love the elements of wood here and though I'm not sure Dave (or the landlord) would be up for such a dramatic wall in the house, I'm hoping to recreate the feeling it inspires. Also, I've got an old rickity ladder like the one in the picture above, and it's my favorite. (source)

If you'll recall this little post about believing me on Fridays, you may be hesitant to put much stock in my grand weekend plans. But I've already inlisted help with the 'new pillows' thing. And the no-tv-for-ten-days thing really helps me to not watch 14 movies in two days. Now if I can only find a way to not take several naps...

Itty Bit

2011-01-06T07:00:00.002-06:00

There's a certain newly-eighteen-year-old cutie on my mind today. That would be the baby of my family, Miss Emily. Or Emma Lou, or Emma, or Itty Bit, or Bitty, or whatever else we have decided to call her in the last 18 year olds.

The day my parents brought Emily home from the hospital, I sat on the couch, holding her, looking at her in awe, and said, "I could never be mad at this baby." And that was just about true. She's a lovely little lady.

One time at the mall, I kept squeezing her arms and poking her and playing with her hair and she said, "ok. You need to stop touching me." But I cannot. I love her too much.

The Internets

2011-01-04T08:27:00.010-06:00

Sometimes I hate the Internet. It's true. There's too much nonsense out in the world, and the Internet reminds me of that.

But usually I really love the Internet. Like, an inappropriate amount. I'll always be a pen and paper kind of girl at heart. I love to get the mail each day, I like homecooked meals, and I walk slowly through the grocery store. But the technology that is The Internet amazes and inspires me.

Earlier this week, my friend Kelli wrote a beautiful blog post (like she always does) about a friend from school showing a really sweet gesture. I'm a complete sucker for random acts of kindness, and her post was so touching (as they always are). Then in the comments at the end, oh you just have to read it yourselves. I about lost it.

Then one of my very best friends growing up sent me an email last week that was very sweet and thoughtful and just what I needed. This is the two of us at my wedding. Me and the beautiful bridesmaid, Cayla. I sure miss that lady. She's the cutest.

Don't you just love the Internet, sometimes?

TwentyEleven

2011-01-01T07:00:00.004-06:00

It's 2011! For me, this means a lot of things. I have my eyes set on some really cool things including that non-profit organization idea I told you a little about, a fun e-course about blogging (through Red Velvet Art... shoutout to Springfield, MO!), some SERIOUS health goals, and some miscellaneous personal goals. Some of the things I'd like to accomplish this year are already on my Project Life List... so I'll leave them over there. But, this is the list of goals specifically for this year.

- Quit complaining! One of my online pet-peeves is the semi-trendy, "FML" which stands for F-word-I-don't-use My Life. I am not a fan of this for several reasons. The biggest reason of all being how complainy it is. And if it bothers me when other people do it, why do I believe it's ok when I'm griping about something? No more! 2011 shall see a new side of me.

- Make new friends. I'm shy, but I also love being around people. What does this mean? It means I want people to be my friend, but I don't act like it. So... this year, I'm going to act like it.

- Learn three songs on the piano. My dad was able to tune my piano while he was here over Christmas and I am itching to use it! THIS IS A BIG DEAL. I took lessons for a few years when I was fairly young and I never got the hang of it. This year, I really really want to get the hang of it. (This song is first on my list: It Might Be Hope by Sara Groves.)

- Make art. I know I already do this some. But I want to do more. I make little projects all the time, but my art making has been on a downhill slide lately. 2011, get ready to see some more art coming out of these fingers.

- Be the world's best wife. This might be tricky, as it's impossible to rate such a thing, but I've at least got something to shoot for. This is actually about 7,000 little goals that will all add up. Some harder than others. Not complaining will definitely raise my game-piece on the best wife ever chart, as well as 'don't throw a fit if Dave asks you to start a load of laundry.' Baby steps.

- Start a new blog! (This is already in the works... and why I'm taking the blog love e-course.) Blogging has become my love affair, to put it dramatically. I love this little creative space I've got here, and I plan to keep it up for a very long time. I started it a couple years ago as a way to keep friends and family living FAAAR away up to date, post some behind the scenes content about my art, and keep my love for creative non-fiction alive. Yes, creative non-fiction is something I love. Who doesn't?! But, what I don't love is the fact that it's a seriously scatter-brained site. My content is all over the place. And really, I do plan to keep 'rest on me' alive and well, but I need a more organized space to start up the business side of blogging. Think of this page as the backside of the mullet and the new page as the front side of the mullet.

Thanks for a great 2010, friends. Here's a quick recap of the year. Ups and downs were many. Goals were reached, new friends were made, I broke and sprained an ankle, and sprained the other one too, I went to Haiti, I learned that I was made for adoption, I experienced a new feeling of home for Nashville during the flood, I learned a lot about patience and even got some, I went to Bonna-flippin'-roo for free, I was given more than I deserve, I loved a lot, I picked up a new art skill, I learned some more about patience and dealt with a heavy blow, I started a million new projects, and developed a brand new passion. I'd say that's a solid 12 months.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-31T08:06:00.005-06:00

Though the house is still decorated and there are still empty packages strewn about the living room, Christmas is moving on. With my family in Nashville this year, things were a bit different than they've always been, but we held tight to some traditions. We all had a total blast, as far as I could tell. Don't tell me if you didn't have fun, family; I don't want to know.

First on the traditions list was Chuck E. Cheese. Growing up, we used to spend a day playing arcade games and eating pizza right around Christmas. This is one tradition Dave is more than happy to have married in to. I hope it's not creepy for seven adults to go to Chuck E. Cheese for the day, because if skee-ball is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Another tradition we hold tight to is Christmas Eve gifts. The siblings open the gifts from each other, and our parents open our gifts to them. Dave's family was in Texas this year, celebrating with his sister and her family, but we opened our gifts from them on Christmas Eve also - it's the Hagen tradition. We did NOT make oyster stew on Christmas Eve, which is another Hagen tradition. I just couldn't do it. (Special appearance by the giant bean bag I'm always talking about! See how spread out my parents are? They're both sitting on it. It's that awesome.)

IF you have not seen "Marcel the Shell" PLEASE do yourself a favor and watch it here. It's a strange and quirky little video of a talking shell. Watch it twice in a row; you'll like it more the second time. This picture is me introducing the video to my sisters. They're fans. You're welcome.

The Nashville buzz all around Christmas was the fact that we were supposed to have snow. There hasn't been a white Christmas in Nashville in almost 20 years. Herzogs must be good luck. Because we woke up to this.

And do you know what else we woke up to? Serious loot. I know Christmas isn't about the gifts, but holy smokes, I hit the jackpot this year! Some of my favorites were a nut grinder, a burlap and braided leather bag from my mama, and this KitchenAid mixer from Dave. Of course we had to put the nut grinder and mixer to use right away and make a fresh batch of homemade cookies.

I'm already looking forward to Christmas next year.

BooHiss

2010-12-30T07:30:00.001-06:00

I finally called my doctor's office to get the results from the insulin test I had a couple weeks ago, and I was not pleased with the results. More specifically, I was frustrated, disappointed, and shocked. And then I cried kind of a lot, and then I was angry.

Despite my current diet and the fact that I've been taking medicine every day for three months, my insulin levels actually went up. Not cool, body. Not cool. I felt like I had been doing a great job; I was proud of the work I had accomplished. I know all that hard work wasn't useless, but for a few hours yesterday, that's what it felt like. Like I had wasted the past few months of eating well and being more active... because if my insulin was going to go up anyway, why couldn't I have eaten more Doritos?

So, I'm upping my healthy eating to an 11 and promoting Dave to my exercise enforcer. I should call him The Exercist, not to be confused with the Exorcist, of course. I should paint that on a t-shirt for him! The Exercist is a rough job because I will probably pout and throw things at him and require him to exercise with me each day. But hey, for better or for worse, right?

And if Dave's going to be called The Exercist, I suppose 2011 should be called The Year of I'd-Like-To-Keep-All-My-Limbs-And-Not-Get-Anything-Amputated-Because-I-Got-Diabetes.

Details are Scary

2010-12-29T07:30:00.000-06:00

A couple months ago I had a teeny little idea for a non-profit organization. The idea snowballed very quickly and became my newest obsession. I'm still very much interested in this idea of mine. I've had a few people help me out, one or two specifically who have helped me immensely, and I've given out a few little details here and there. I haven't discussed it much because... well... I'm nervous!

I've got the general overview of the organization planned out in my head. I know how it will work, what it's named, what our logo will look like, things we can accomplish, ways we can help the world be a better place. You know, all the really important things. But do you know what doesn't make sense? When I'll have time to accomplish these goals, how many people will be willing to work with me (the organization uses a lot of people working together), how much money it will take to get the first little ball rolling, when to talk about my idea, how to promote it, etcetera infinity.

I know nothing about starting or running a business, for starters. I have little money to invest in the front end, only a handful of people who are working with me (as of now), and ideas galore. How does one make sense of these things? Where does it go from here? Any tips for a lady who's equally passionate and clueless?

The Bean

2010-12-28T07:27:00.004-06:00

Today is my sister's birthday! Christina, or bean (as we call her), is 20. TWENTY, you guys!

She's a really cool person.

I've talked a lot about my sisters here, because they're a big part of my world. If you can love someone too much, that is true of the way I feel about this lady.

On Holiday

2010-12-23T07:54:00.002-06:00

Well, it's about that time, don't you think?

Time to take a break for Christmas! I'll be back shortly after the holiday festivities are over.

Merry Christmas from the Hagens!

They're Almost Here!

2010-12-21T14:12:00.003-06:00

Things are a little batty around here lately because I'm all kinds of excited. This afternoon my family (minus my brother and new sister-in-law) is supposed to be pulling into town around the time I get off work. HIP HIP HOORAY! The 8-9 hours of work that I have to put in today will be a blur of anticipation and jitters and checking my text messages obsessively until I see the one that says, "WE'RE HERE!" And then I will completely flip out and run around in circles for ten minutes.

Not that I'm looking forward to it or anything.

Most of the gifts are bought and wrapped, cookies and other goodies have been made, the house is clean (thanks to a sweet friend), the stockings are hung by the chimney with care, etc. I think we're about ready to get things under way.

If you don't see much of me in the next week, you know why.

Christmas Music: The Flip Side

2010-12-21T07:00:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I posted about wonderful Christmas music. Nostalgic and lovely and all the other good stuff that gets put into Christmas music. Today I'd like to address the dark side of Christmas music. Did you know that such a thing existed? Well, it sure does and it warrants some attention.
One I noticed for the first time this year to ease you into things are the lyrics to "You're a Mean One" from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. These lyrics are all kinds of crazy, but that's on purpose, so I'd never really thought about it. But let's DO think about it. The song is full of lyrical gems such as, "You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch. With a nauseous super naus," which I just love. Super naus should be my new thing. Like, "whoa. This ham sandwich is super naus territory" or, "holy smokes, Dave. That terrible driving just made me super naus." And even better than super naus, in my opinion, is this line: "You're a crooked jerky jockey, and you drive a crooked hoss." I said something on twitter yesterday with that line like... I don't even know what that means. And my big brother replied with, "My guess: You're a mean little guy, and your horse is mean, too. That's a mean thing to say about someone's horse." That cracked me right up. Big brother = hilarious.

Secondly, and a little more serious, is the song "Christmas Shoes." This is quite the controversy. Some people love this song. Me? I'm not so into singing about the saddest possible Christmas ever. If you've not heard the song, I will save you the trouble. The lyrics to the chorus are, "Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time. You see she's been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes would make her smile, and I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight."

What in the world?! Doesn't that just punch your Christmas spirit right in the face? Sheesh. I would for sure rather sing about super naus than about a dying mother and her poor pathetic son, who the song describes as "dirty from head to toe." No thanks.

And another song that's bad on purpose (I hope) is "Santa Baby." This song is the materialistic generation's theme song. It's probably parody, but still I don't think we need to be singing about all the ridiculous things we'd like for Christmas since, you know, that's what we're all thinking anyway. Those are the kind of thoughts we leave inside our head and don't put to music. And this isn't necessarily something I want the kids these days to get from a Christmas song: "Think of all the fun I've missed. Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed." Really? Is that how it works?

Lastly, some of you know my feelings toward the song "Baby It's Cold Outside." I think it's a fun song. It's catchy and quirky and it's a male/female duet which is a definite plus in my book. But shall we take a closer look at the lyrics?

First, we've got a protest (in the female's part) where she says she'd like to leave and the male vocalist is trying to make her stay at his house. She says, "Say, what's in this drink?" Friends, I'm not sure if roofies were invented before 1944 when this song was written, but heaven's sake that sounds like date rape drugs to me.

And later in the song the female sings, "I simply must go. The answer is no." Have we not all heard the phrase, "no means no" yet? As far as I can tell, that stands up in a court, and I think Mr. Male Vocal Lead is about to spend some time in jail when the snow clears and they can leave the house again.

Christmas Music

2010-12-20T07:36:00.002-06:00

I happen to be married to a music snob. He doesn't prefer that terminology, but that's what he is and I'm here to call a spade a spade. He feels very strongly against most Christmas music. His thought is that no matter how many different things you do to the same songs, they're still the same ol' songs and it's not interesting or unique enough. Somehow his logic doesn't account for his distaste for newly written Christmas songs and/or distaste for the old classics either... but that's his highly trained musical opinion, and as scroogy as it may be, he's entitled to feel that way.

However, we agree 100% about one Christmas album. It's just good. It's excellent, in fact. It's a musician that Dave had the pleasure of working with (on that album actually!) and still has a great deal of respect for. It's the O Holy Night album by Sara Groves. I've talked about her on this blog before. She's a musical genius, in my opinion, but it's still easy to listen to. Her phrasing is amazing, her lyrics are deep and personal, and she's super nice.

Also (!!!) you can hear Dave singing some gang vocals in the background of the album, which is a total bonus!

If you're in a place financially this year to spend a little money on a new Christmas album, Dave and I recommend this one (you can get it here on iTunes for $9.99.) The music snobs in your family may even enjoy it.

This is the title track from the album. O Holy Night. Listen closely to the lyrics of this song. Some of my favorite lyrics of all time, definitely my favorite Christmas song lyrically. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

I Don't Even Know Anymore

2010-12-17T07:33:00.002-06:00

It seems that December is the month in which I don't update my blog very much. Thanks for pointing that out, UNCLE LONNIE. Really though, where have I been? Well I've been sick, I've been snowed in, I've been doing a little shopping, I've been trying to catch up at work, I've been working on a handful of custom art projects, I've been planning a new non-profit organization, I've been wasting far too much time watching terrible Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies. I've not been getting groceries, cleaning my house, doing any sort of laundry, wrapping gifts, or blogging. Obviously.

The super good news is that Christmas is almost here and my next 10 days are JAMMED full of festivities and wonder. The bad news is my brain has ceased to work. I start to tell stories and realize halfway through that they've got no purpose. Someone answers the question that I ask them and I say, "what?" Because I've forgotten that I asked a question in the first place.... just 2 seconds prior. I carry things from one room to the other for no apparent reason and have to walk them back to where they came because why on earth am I holding this spatula in the living room? Is there a reason for this? I guess I'll put it back in the kitchen. And then two days later I realize that there's a spider web hanging from the ceiling that I can't reach and I think, "what could I use to reach this web? Maybe something with a long handle that's flat on one side and could also flip over a fried egg..."

It's just a little ridiculous, you know?

So, that's my December in a nutshell. What about you? Do you have crazy Christmas brain yet?

Loose Ends

2010-12-15T08:38:00.003-06:00

Like 14 years ago when I got home from Texas, I told you I'd post pictures. But then Dave was in charge of pictures and he didn't upload all of them on to the computer and I don't know how to work a Mac and it didn't happen. So you can send an email to Mr. Hagen if you want to see those pictures, but mostly he's going to tell you that he's busy working all day every day and soooo sorry if he doesn't have time to do whatever we ask whenever we ask because he's fixing my car and trying to record a new album and start and finish two construction projects, etc. Excuses.

Also, I posted a giveaway about 15 years ago for a little watercolor, and then things got "cray cray" as the kids these days say, and I never posted the winner. Who was (drumroll) my very sweet Missouri friend, Erin. First, I should tell you that I love Erin and her whole family. They're super awesome and secondly, I keep trying to convince them to move to my neighborhood here in Tennessee. Do you know what's better than a Missouri friend? A Tennessee friend; that's what. So Erin, go ahead and tell me what picture you want turned into a watercolor, and I'll hang it up down the street in the house for rent. You can see it when you move in.

And also this: please don't misread my post yesterday and think that holidays are all about me sitting weeping somewhere hoping Christmas is over. I still much prefer holidays to normal days and if I have a day or two that are sad days, it's all ok. I'm still high up above the depression hole and haven't fallen in in quite some time. A couple of bad days isn't going to change that, thank you very much. That's all God's fault. He has seriously kept me from a dark place I almost expected to be after this much trying without getting pregnant. Sometimes it's sad, but mostly I'm fine. Really. I'd tell you if I weren't.

Tadaaaa!!! Wrapped up all my loose ends in just three paragraphs. I think... is something missing?

The Hard Part

2010-12-13T22:59:00.002-06:00

I love the holidays. I love love love the holidays. My year is centered around time to spend with family, evenings talking over the card games, and pulling out decorations. It's my very favorite thing.

This year as I was pulling out my decorations, I pulled out a third stocking. I had bought a third last year "just incase." Man, that was sad. I had forgotten that I bought it, and the surprise of it was just sitting there in the middle of all my Christmas decorations. It felt like I was punched in the stomach. As a sweet friend said to me, "God has a plan for that stocking." That little bit of encouragement was just exactly what I needed to hear, and I moved on to the excitement of opening the rest of the boxes.

As the season has progressed, so has the emotional pull of the holiday toward family and tradition and I can't help but get a little down about not having the family I expected to have this year. Expectations are sometimes a hard thing to deal with, you know?

At church a few days ago, someone was describing the night his daughter was born and how the image of Christ's birth meant so much more after that night in the hospital a few years ago. Christmas is about a perfect newborn baby. We sing songs about sweet babies and a pregnant woman. There's a reminder at every turn. Sometimes that's really, really difficult. Sometimes that can suck all the magic out of the season and leave me wanting something more.

Thursday morning I have a follow up doctor's appointment to see how the medicine I've been on for the past few months is working. I'm in prayer for the appointment, but I'm not even sure I know how to pray for it. If I know I'm not pregnant, what am I hoping will come from the appointment? I'm just feeling a bit down about it, and feeling like I needed to get the hard part of Christmas over with. I am ready to move on and get back to the normal peace and contentment I've been experiencing over the past several months. I'm ready to put the sad third stocking to the side and get excited about the rest of the boxes, though I'm not sure what the next months or years will look like. If you're so obliged, would you please say a little prayer for me on Thursday morning? I really would appreciate that.

A Christmas Miracle

2010-12-09T08:18:00.007-06:00

Let me start by saying that I'm now in a fine mind-space. That, however, was not the case an hour ago. I should also remind you that I have no heater in my car which, in turn, means I have no defroster in my car. And I might also add:

So this morning, I left the house about ten minutes early because I knew I had to stop and get gas. I scraped off the windshield with an old cell phone case because my scraper is missing. Which... you know... is fun because it doesn't really work that well. And about 3 minutes down the road my windshield completely iced over again. So I did what any person driving a 2 ton chunk of metal with no visibility would do and turned the windshield wiper blades on full blast. Shockingly, that didn't work. So I rolled down the window, stuck my head out, and drove to the gas station with MY HEAD OUT THE WINDOW. Also...

So I pulled into the gas station and called my husband, because that's what you do at 7am when your car doesn't work. He told me to get some windshield wiper fluid/deicer. So I did. And, believe it or not, I had never put any type of fluid other than gasoline in my car. Never ever. But I did it! I opened the hood and found the blue cap and dumped in almost an entire 5 gallon jug of the stuff. Also, I had probably called Dave 3 times at that point. Nevertheless, I hopped back in the car and turned on the windshield wiper spray guy, or whatever they are actually called. Aaaaand, it didn't work. Nothing. Not even the teensiest squirt. So maybe I called Dave again. And he suggested I pour a small amount of fluid on the sprayers to unfreeze them. And I did that, and THAT didn't work. Of course.

So I sat back down in my car, rolled the windows down again, and tried to maneuver into a parking space in the corner. I tried again to spray. And I waited. And I tried again. And I called my office to tell them I'd be late. And I started crying, and I tried again. And I googled Pep Boys to see what their work hours would be and I called Dave and I started crying more. Maybe uncontrollably. And I told him I was taking it in to get fixed and I didn't care how much it would cost and that the world was coming to an end and I was trapped at the gas station and I would die of hypothermia and I loved him and our life was really special and fun while it lasted and I was sorry about that one time I slammed the door. Maybe not all of that. More of it than you'd think, actually.

And while I was crying and imagining the end of my life trapped inside the icy car, the sprayers started spraying. I was almost embarrassed to tell Dave they were working because maybe I had overreacted before, and that's never fun to admit.

And I drove to work spraying my deicer basically non-stop because every time I stopped spraying, the windshield iced over again. And as soon as I pulled on to the interstate, where people drive 70 miles per hour, I ran out of fluid.

A whole 5 gallons. Gone.

So it iced over everywhere except a small little circle right in the middle. MIRACLE OF ALL MIRACLES.

And I drove to work half lying down in the front seat to look through the little circle right in the middle of the windshield. And I wasn't even crying then. You know what I was doing? I was praying for safety and praying that the little visibility circle in the middle didn't close up, and I was writing facebook statuses in my head. Because it's my happy place.

This is what I came up with:

- Nothing like crying in your 16 degree car for half an hour before 8 am to start the day off right.

- I had an actual "Jesus take the wheel" moment today.

- Oh nothing, just wearing leggings, pants, a long-sleeved shirt, a sweater, a heavy coat, slipper socks, thick boots, mittens, my hood, and still freezing to death because I'm sticking my head out of the window into the SIXTEEN DEGREE AIR while I drive because my window is iced over.

- If I were the type of woman who used cuss words, I would have said them all and invented several new ones this morning.

And then I got to work and grabbed some hot tea and borrowed a space heater and defrosted myself. And made plans to get my heater fixed.

On Becoming a Hermit

2010-12-08T08:14:00.006-06:00

There have been little sneak peaks of the holiday decor in my house lately, but Dave finally uploaded the pictures for me. And since this is all I've looked at lately, I figured I'd share that with you. I've spent a lot of time looking at the inside of my house lately. Nothing like being sick to keep you cozy indoors. This has been my view for about a week now.

And this has been Dave's view... me huddled under blankets somewhere. Mostly on our giant bean bag, but occasionally in bed. Note the 2 quilts and one comforter.

The Perfect Tree

2010-12-06T07:41:00.007-06:00

I've had a pestering little cough for a few days and was out of comission for several fun things this weekend. The good news is, I got in lots of naps and time wrapped in blankets watching movies. Including, but not limited to, 3 Hallmark Christmas movies in one day. Have you ever watched a Hallmark Christmas movie? They're kind of all the same. Someone died and their spouse/fiancee/child hasn't been able to celebrate Christmas since. They meet someone new and their life is now in a good Christmas celebration place. The end. Really... all three of the movies I watched that day had that same exact story. Also Lauren Holly... and really, I watched OVER half of a movie with Lauren Holly in it before I realized it was her. Botox is bad news, people.

Anyway... Saturday night Dave and I braved the cold to go on a hunt for the perfect Christmas tree. Or so I thought. In my mind it was snowing and my hair was curled and my nose was pink and Dave was driving a mini-van so he could tie The Perfect Tree to the top of the van and we wandered through the tree lot with the lights above us and children somewhere were singing Christmas carols.

In real life we drove to the fenced area at Lowe's, realized they only had short trees left, Dave asked the guy which one was best, and that was it. But then the guy working there mentioned that someone had a tree held and never came to pick it up and we could have it if we wanted it.

It was the only tree above 6 or 7 feet they had left and JACKPOT, it ended up being The Perfect Tree. So so perfect. It's just the right amount of tall and just the right amount of wide. So even though the hunt for the tree wasn't exactly what I had pictured, it all worked out. Christmas miracle.

Here's my beauty. Isn't she lovely? I want to keep her there all year. Though, we'd probably need to get a vacuum...

(Also, I have better pictures, but they're currently trapped inside my camera)

Twinkle

2010-12-02T07:51:00.002-06:00

I shuffled my sleepy little feet around the house last night taking care of this glorious mess. And made this happen.

And I'm working on an advent calendar; I'm almost done! Well... sort of. I haven't done any of the sewing yet. And I'll probably want to change a few of the squares. I don't particularly care for 6 and 13. We'll see.

That little cardinal might be my favorite. Oh 22, you charming square, you.

Gifts Galore

2010-12-01T08:55:00.005-06:00

I know the internet is full to the brim with gift guides. But holy smokes are they fun to put together. I spend a lot of time on the computer, and have (not exaggerating) 153 websites bookmarked in my favorites bar. Exessive? Maybe. Inspirational? Absolutely. So, I'm passing on my chronic web-treature-hunting expertise to you and helping you find some unique gifts for Christmas. You're welcome.

First off, the music lover. Bonus points if your music lover is also a DIY enthusiast. This is a create your own music box kit. Isn't that fun? I think so.

Next up, the crafty friend. Washi tapes are seriously all the rage right now. They're everywhere and they're SO multi-functional. This variety pack of washi tapes is super cute, super on trend, and a super unique gift.This sweet little carrying case would be good for several types of people. Great for moms to stick in diaper bags, great for any woman who desperately needs a cute make up bag, great for the kids who love to stick their treasures in different places. It just works. And it's just cute.For the handyman, this tiny screwdriver set. Dave's got a set of mini screwdrivers that he uses pretty often, and they're really handy to have around the house, in the car, or at the office. Under $10? Even better.

Seriously I can't get enough of these little nesting doll measuring cups. Good for the gal in your life who loves to cook OR the gal in your life who hates to cook, but really likes a cute kitchen. Win-win.

For the avid reader, these Out of Print t-shirts are perfect. Anyone can run to Old Navy and grab a generic shirt, but showing your second cousin that you really care about his interests is easy to fake with a fun shirt like this. Check out the Out of Print website for a TON of really great options.

For the newest fashionista. The moment I saw these booties, I fell in love. Mustard yellow, leather straps, knee-high booties for the teeniest chubby feet. Perfection.

For the dork who doesn't really want anything or need anything, I love this Etsy site. More unique shirts perfect for that dorky friend who's impossible to buy gifts for. Not that I have any of those...This little headband is perfect for... say... a blogger/artist/free-spirited-20something-redhead. You know... in case you needed a gift for such a person.

Do you have any go-to gifts this year that are unique and interesting? Leave them in the comments so we can all share your awesome expertise.

Last Week

2010-11-30T09:08:00.002-06:00

I'm back in Nashville. I was welcomed this morning with cold rain, traffic jams, more than one work crisis (which I am getting back to as soon as this little coffee break is over) and I'm desperately trying to ignore this funny little throat tickle.

It's alright though, because my vacation was perfect. It was a complete blast. Time with family, fun activities, beautiful weather, a new sister, beach, and time with Dave (which is a rare occurrence this year.) It couldn't have been better. I mean that.

Pictures will come. Lots and lots of pictures. I promise!

Dance Party!

2010-11-22T12:06:00.002-06:00

Something happened when my alarm went off this morning that hasn't happened in a long time. I woke up.

I know. Weird, right?

I was WIDE awake. Almost jittery with anticipation. Because today is the first day of vacation! Dave and I fly out of Nashville around 4:30 today and we'll be in Texas by dinner.

This space will probably be a little bare next week, but who knows, I may post a picture or two.

Two Years!

2010-11-19T07:15:00.000-06:00

Today's my blog anniversary. My blogiversary. Thanks for checking in with me over the years. (Ha. Like it's been SOO long.) It's weird for me to go back and read through old posts. I hadn't quite found my voice yet, as they say in the writing world. But here it is! My voice! The one where I say "kind of" and "super" a lot and I use far too many commas.

Do you know what I'd really like for my blogiversary? I'd like you to leave a comment telling me how cool you are. I mean, I already know how cool you are, but if you type it in the comments section, everyone else can see it too. Example: "My name is Steph - I'm cool because I used to hate salad and I taught myself how to love it." Or "Hi, my name is Dave - I'm cool because I'm married to a lady who taught herself how to love salad." See what I did there? But really, its so easy and it would SERIOUSLY make my day. Please note: Google Analytics tells me how many people look at my blog. And where they're from. (twilight zone music inserted here)

And lastly, as a super-awesome-one-of-a-kind-blogiversary-bonus (I'm really not enjoying the word blogiversary at this point) I'm going to give a CUSTOM PAINTING (like the one below) away to a random commenter! So, why are you cool? Get crackin'!

My Hope

2010-11-18T07:44:00.004-06:00

I'm feeling a little gross today. Upset stomach, really sleep deprived, and a tinge cranky. But no need to worry, friends. Because yesterday was great.

I help lead a 9th grade girls Bible study at my church and last night we talked about the fact that each person who believes in Christ has a story to tell. We get caught up in trying to fit in or trying to lay low and we forget that the story we have to tell is important and life-changing. We encouraged the girls to share their personal stories about when they first believed that God was God and how their relationship with Him started.

Almost all the girls have shared at this point. Just two or three of the 14 are still holding out. A couple of them have brought me to tears. A couple of them have made me laugh (in a good way, of course) and a couple of them have challenged me to rethink the way I'm doing Christianity. Because these girls have been so willing to share their stories, I decided that today I'd tell you the greatest story I know.

I was practically born in a church. My dad was a youth and music minister and we were in the pew rain or shine, sickness or health, day and night. We even sat in the same spot in each church we attended. Third row back from the piano.

I have always been a rule follower. It was easy for me to obey and to do what was expected and I was always the kid saying, "You’re going to get in so much trouble!" My life of following rules was an easy transition into walking down the center aisle at church to learn about how to become a Christian. My parents and the pastor explained to me what that meant. I believed every word.

God is holy -set apart. He created man and woman in His own image, but Adam and Eve went against what God had planned for them. Their sin broke the bond we had with God and sin deserves death. Because life outside of Christ is a terrible and hopeless thing and God knew that when He made us, He wants us to live for Him. Every person from that day forward has sinned and so every person from that day forward deserved to be separated eternally from Christ by going to Hell. That's a little heavy, right? The God who created the universe also put eyelashes on me. He wants me to know Him because He's awesome. If I refuse to know Him, I'm going to suffer for it and He knows that and wants us to choose Him. Because God loved me in a way that still doesn't make sense, He sent his son, Jesus, to earth to act as a bridge between our sinful lives and His complete forgiveness. Jesus was 100% God and 100% man.

As a kid that didn't make much sense to me, and honestly it still doesn't make sense. But my mind is finite, and I'm okay with not understanding everything. What I did understand was that Jesus died a terribly painful death. He was tortured and beaten because the love He had for me was so incredibly powerful that He chose to die - to take my place - because He wanted me to be with Him in Heaven after I die. His death gave me life. And do you know what happened after He died on the cross? He came back from the grave. For real. He was alive. People didn't believe it, but it was real. He told them to tell their friends and they did because it was... well... shocking, I'm sure. But also because it was a relief. His life and His death and His resurrection from the grave are exactly what had been promised to us. His death saved us. His death saved me.

Isn't that ridiculous? ME. I do some really awful stuff. I'm still a rule follower for the most part... but I am rotten. Rotten to the core. I'm judgmental and I'm selfish and I ignore Him most of the time. I go through life like I don't need Him far too often. But He's still completely in love with me. That sure doesn't make sense to me either. I'm very unlovely at times and He's still jealous for me. Because I believe that I'm a sinner and that my life is nowhere near complete without His love and forgiveness, I am trying to live a life in relationship with Him. I've accepted Him into my life and I'm forever saved. I can't lose that. He won't go back on His word. I've been washed clean by His grace.

I've been washed clean by His grace.

It hasn't always been easy. You can read about how NOT easy it has been here. Being a Christian doesn’t mean life is perfect. It means life is hopeful.

All the really awful stuff is temporary. The stomach aches and the sleep deprivation too, I suppose. If you want to know more about being a Christian or if you want to share YOUR story with me... I would SO love to hear that. Shoot me an email (stephhagenart@gmail.com ) or leave a message in the comments section. I promise I will really listen to what you have to say.

Losing It

2010-11-17T15:38:00.002-06:00

I just laughed out loud at a noise I heard from the construction project upstairs because I imagined a person making that noise and the look "she" had on her face while making it was hilarious. It's a slow and interesting decent to crazy, friends.

Yesterday I dropped a banana pepper, 2 peanuts, and a dime under my desk. What I found when I finally got down there (the banana pepper was the tipping point. a dime and a couple of peanuts aren't too gross. a banana pepper really warrants a small tidying up.) was a nickle and three paper clips. And that's it. THAT'S IT!

And because everything is better in sets of three: I created 3 new iPhone hobbies in the past 3 days. That's one per day, if you're counting.

But I do believe that being slightly crazy gives me more credibility as an artist. So there's that.

Tesskus

2010-11-16T09:59:00.003-06:00

That's how my youngest sister, whom I will see in one week(!), used to pronounce Texas. And taxi was taski and ask was aks. And when she was little bitty, she had no front teeth for a very long time after a terrible porch step accident and she cut her own bangs way too short and got a really awful Dorothy Hamil/scarecrow haircut. Oh what a sweet hillbilly baby she was. She totally made up for that though, because now she's super gorgeous. Also she's graduating high school this year. That's weird.

Anyway. Texas. I'm leaving in a week. A WEEK, GUYS! It's kind of all I can think about. And by kind of I mean it's ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. So to prepare myself for the journey ahead, the Tuesday list (as started here) is all about my packing list for Texas. Packing lists are a family tradition started by my grandpa on my dad's side. My dad does them, and now I'm carrying on the wonderful tradition.

Things to pack for TX:

A New Twist on Christmas Crafting

2010-11-15T08:07:00.007-06:00

Every year but one since we've been married I have decided to make all my Christmas gifts. I spend a great deal of time and effort making things. I call it Stephanie's Christmas Workshop normally, and it's very festive and fun and I really do love making things for people. I really really love it. But this year I think I decided to not make my gifts.

I KNOW! It's hard to believe.

But what I AM doing this year, is crafting all sorts of lovely handmade Christmas decorations. I have ideas for ornaments, little table decorations, fun garland additions, etc. etc. etc. and I've never had the time to make any of them because I'm busy making gifts. I've finished a handful of ornaments already that I'm super excited about showing to you. So this year, I'm opting for store bought gifts and homemade decor. I'm unnervingly excited about it. (Though... shoot... I just realized that the only gift I've purchased so far is for my lovely mama. But also I made something for her a couple months ago that I forgot about. Well, mama, looks like you get two gifts this year!)

And before you all get your panties in a wad because it's ONLY NOVEMBER 15th and I'm skipping Thanksgiving and corporate America is the devil for trying to jump from holiday to holiday and the world is coming to an end because someone mentioned Christmas before November 26th, let me say this: It takes a long time to make as many decorations as I've got floating in my head. I need a whole month. Ok? Fine.

So here's my round-up of inspiration and things I plan to make. Sources for the ideas are below each picture. Also... all the Christmas decorations I bought on clearance last January are brown, gray, white, red, and a little dark green. Very traditional looking. I'm planning to stick to that color scheme.

Source

I want SO MUCH to hang that red coat and that little deer on my tree. Aren't they the cutest?

Source

Hobbies

2010-11-12T08:11:00.011-06:00

My husband is the one who takes all the pictures. He read the camera manual when we bought it and now he's all, "shutter, aperture, ISO" and I'm like, "why is this picture so wiggly looking?"

He spends a lot of time in the studio (maybe I've mentioned that before?) so almost all of his pictures are of studio stuff and holy cow does he like taking pictures of studio stuff.

Because I've been sketching like a madman for the past few days, I don't have much of my own to talk about. So here are some of Dave's pictures. Pretty talented guy, right?

This one is one of my favorites! Why do I love blurry pictures so much?

The Magic Friend-Maker

2010-11-10T07:33:00.000-06:00

Two things. 1. This is not a blog post looking for coddling or fishing for compliments. Really, it's not. It IS a blog post trying to explain blogging to people who don't "get" blogging though. And 2. I have some secrets.

The first secret is this - I am fairly socially awkward.

I can't carry on conversations sometimes. I can't make new friends as well as I'd like. I'm quiet, I'm shy, I'm pretty self-conscious sometimes, and every once in a while I feel like I have nothing worth-while to say. I most definitely am not going to spark an interesting debate or reach out to someone in a public setting.

But the cool thing is my blog kind of does that for me. My blog has proven to be a conversation starter on more than one occasion. People who normally wouldn't come up and start conversations about infertility can. Or people who see me across a room can come up and say, "hey, I saw on your blog that you like to paint! Me too! I like to paint too! Let's be friends!" The blog gives people a reason to get to know me when they normally wouldn't have a reason. I like that. It takes a little social pressure off of me.

My second secret is this... this little space gives me confidence. Once a day, I get this chance to put something into the world that I've spent time on. Something with too many grammar mistakes and strange sentence structures. Something that I care about. And sometimes, shockingly, other people care about it too. For someone who has struggled very much in the past with self-worth (and who is getting better day by day), having 5 or 30 or 50 blog visitors a day is a very, very cool thing.

Some people think that last sentence (and blogging in general) is about ego. Some people do see my blog as egotistical, I suppose. But for me, the few paragraphs a day I send out into the world is not at all about ego, but about telling myself every day that some people do care about me. It's not to stack up compliments onto a healthy confidence, but to build up a foundation where once there was a very unhealthy hole. As pitiful and cheesy as that may sound, it's true.

So thanks, if that's you. Lovely, faithful blog reader. Thanks for helping me get up out-the-hole.

Things That Go Together List

2010-11-09T11:09:00.003-06:00

So, it's Tuesday. It's time for random list making!

pretzels + coffee

yellow + gray

ADD + twitter

plaid + fall

denim + lace

chocolate + hazelnuts

moss + stone

you + me

glitter + color

mushrooms + everything

4:00 + weekdays

college-ruled paper + lists

soup + garlic (not fully pictured)

It's About That Time

2010-11-08T15:11:00.003-06:00

Sneaking up ever so slowly (or not so slowly if you watch TV or go to the store or listen to the radio...) is The Holiday Season. Obviously that warrants uppercases.

Last year, Mr. Hagen and I negotiated a fantastic treaty that includes me getting a real tree this year, which I've been begging for since we got married. Also, we have a fireplace and I bought buckets full of 75% off Christmas decor last year. Those things combined have really got me itching to start Christmassing up the house. But I won't. I will ignore the stacks of wonderful Christmas music and the containers of garland and lights and I won't start making holiday snacks yet.

I won't.

Really, I won't.

But with all the gusto I can muster (that phrase is just asking to be put in a dance song) I plan to prepare for The other Holiday Season. Thanksgiving falls between Halloween and Christmas. Did you remember that? Because I think Wal-Mart forgot. My Thanksgiving will be different this year and I'm really excited about the whole week. Air travel, hotels, Cracker Barrel, beaches, new dresses... basically just a lot of awesome things.

And there's really no point to this blog post, but as I just discussed with my mom, most blog posts really have no point anyway. So there's that.

Random Observations for the Weekend

2010-11-05T08:50:00.005-05:00

Friday brain is very similar to scrambled eggs. So today's blog is very similar to a breakfast platter... random things put all together in one place.

- All I want to do this weekend is sleep, watch movies, cook, and relax.
- The idea of the heater being on in my house right now + the fact that Dave is home until lunch = I very much want to cuddle on the couch under a blanket and take a nap.
- I'm shrinking. My diet and exercise plan is going well... my pants are all too big.
- It's only seventeen days until I go to Texas! Three cheers for a sweet beach wedding, a new sister, dress up clothes, and vacation!
- I wanted to put a swing in the living room, but my husband "logisticsed" me out of it.
- Bluegrass and fall are soul mates.

- In an act of some weird male solidarity thing, my husband and the guys he's working with this week have decided to all sport mustaches while they're tracking bass guitar.

- It's a good thing my husband has been getting home after dark because I don't particularly enjoy the "solidarity 'stache."

- The music business is a strange bird.

- Hurricane Tomas is about to hit Haiti and there are 1.2 million people living in tents. Tents don't hold up well to hurricanes, I'd imagine. Pray for Haiti, please.
- This Sunday I'll be attending an adoption/orphan care picnic at church that I'm really excited about!
- The next Sunday is an adoption fundraiser where we'll be selling tote bags, t-shirts, and coloring books all designed by me to help these nice folks.
- The two instruments that I like the most: piano and ukelele. My two least favorite instruments: harpsichord and accordion.
- My two new obsessions: sunflower seeds in salad. Lots and lots of sunflower seeds in salad. AND Kings & Queens "Queen Elizabeth Sugar" body butter. I put it on my hands and just sniff my palms all day long.
- Apparently guests who bought the former lotion from Target also bought bicycles. Hello Kitty bicycles to be exact.
- I need to stop rambling.

The Idea Bank

2010-11-04T10:40:00.002-05:00

I have about 400 life-changing ideas a month. I always think, THIS IS IT! THIS is the idea. And a mind-racing obsession begins. And I think and think and plan and think until I get stuck or until I have another life-changing idea.

So I had another one. But I really mean it this time.

This idea is actually an idea that puts my too-many-ideas issue to use. (Are you sick of the word "idea" yet? Because this is only the beginning, folks.) This idea is one that supports all the things I love, works with my past and present passions, and even (believe it or not) turns the things I'm not good at into an asset. Doesn't that idea sound awesome? Well you're right. It is.

Because I don't want to release this idea until it makes complete sense and seems like an actual possibility, I'm not going to tell you what it is. I need help with it, so I've told a few people and I needed to talk it through a bit before it made complete sense. So I've been doing that this week.

What I can tell you is this: it's a non-profit organization idea. I've wanted to start a non-profit organization for years and the sudden collision of several of my life-changing ideas recently led me to this one, all encompassing, idea. Starting a non-profit is even on my Project Life List (#37)! Right now I know nothing about starting a business and that's the scary part. I know a little about running a business but that's about the end of my expertise. But even with that in mind, I feel motivated, hopeful, and inspired.

Sorry if that's too cryptic of a post. I hate it when bloggers do that. But it's on my mind in a big big way and it's all I can think about today.

Surprise!

2010-11-03T08:42:00.003-05:00

This week marks the anniversary of my first date with my husband 8 years ago. That first date was a group trip to the Elk's Lodge to play Bingo. A few things I remember about that date: 1. Courtney won 2. I sat across from Dave and 3. man that room was smoky.

In the 8 years since that date, I've tried to surprise Dave with all sorts of different things. He figures it out every time. Which really sucks all the fun out of surprises.

As a small celebration of our first-date anniversary, I planned a fun surprise for Dave. One of our favorite bands from Missouri, Ha Ha Tonka, is from our college town. We've talked a few times about the fact that we wish they'd come to Nashville, but they never had. When I realized that they were finally coming to Music City AND that it was the same week as our first-date anniversary, I immediately snatched up two tickets. Interested tid bit: Ha Ha Tonka is also the name of the state park in between my childhood house and Dave's childhood house (about 10 minutes apart) that we've driven past about 40 million times. Nostalgia all around!

So about a month before the show, I asked the Mr. to leave work early that day because I was planning a surprise. Mwaahhah. He picked me up and we made our way inside Exit/In. Rocky Votalato was the headliner, so even as we were entering the venue, Dave didn't know why we were there. When we got inside, Dave saw "Ha Ha Tonka" scrawled next to the guest list. SURPRISE! It totally worked.

It's My New Thing

2010-11-02T10:22:00.000-05:00

If every thing on Earth had a fan following, I would be voted President of Super Fans for the "lists" Fan Club. I like lists. I like them in poetry and lyrics, grocery lists, to do lists, packing lists, etc.

My friend Lillian, who is mentioned on this blog so often she needs her own category, tipped me off to this site with the cutest ever daily journal pages. And you'd think with how excited it made me that I was also the President of Super Fans of Daily Journal Pages with Parts to Color and Silly Doodles. And I printed two copies so I could go ahead and do them all in one afternoon, but I also could do one per day, like one is supposed to do. And then THAT site lead me over to THIS site that just happens to be doing a list thing every Tuesday that convinced me that I needed to start making this blog more awesome by adding lists and doodles and parts to color every Tuesday as well.

So, here we are. Run on sentences later. And sentence fragments later. Lists and Doodles and Parts to Color... it's my new thing. I'd like to do one per week. We'll see. I don't normally participate in things other blogs are doing every week, but I think you know how I feel about lists. On the list of members of the Super Excited About This Fan Club, I'm like junior vice president or something.

Here's the first page.

Youth Camp

2010-11-01T09:16:00.003-05:00

Friday evening I packed into a bus with 200 high school kids and went to youth camp. Cool things happen at youth camp.

Like zip-lining.

And serious messes.

And spending time praising a really cool God.

And bedtimes of 3 am.

And dance parties. Lots and lots of dance parties.

Power

2010-10-29T10:06:00.005-05:00

Preoccupied is probably a good word for it. Maybe lazy, maybe boring, maybe busy? Whatever you name it, it is the same thing. It's an empty blog. Sorry things have been so quiet this week. I just didn't really feel like I had much to say. But today I kind of do.

I had ONE difficult day this week in regards to all the non-pregnancy stuff and I've been thinking a bit lately about my purpose here on Earth and how I'm not sure I have one. Like maybe I'm not meant for something really. Which I wholly believe isn't true, but sometimes you have those days, you know? Where you don't feel you're getting to use your talents or your interests except for a few hours a week? And surely God wouldn't have given me this heart and this mind if all I was supposed to do was doodle on a note pad while I'm answering phones at a desk job or just visit other people's kids now and again but not have any of my own. Surely I wasn't meant to be where I am. But this sounds like whining to me, so let's move on.

Even though I had those heavy thoughts lately, they didn't pull me under like bad days sometimes do. They didn't grab hold and seep their sticky sadness into the rest of me. And that got me thinking about the fact that I have really been in a great place lately. It's been a long time since I've been dragged down by depression. Like... longer than I ever remember going before between bouts of sadness. Like... over a year maybe. And friends, I cannot tell you how excited I've been by this realization. Progress maybe? Hormonal changes maybe? Diet and exercise lately has helped, I'm sure. Maybe I'm just growing up.

Sure I have bad days now and again like I did this week, but they don't seem endless. And they don't seem so absolutely insurmountable. And they don't seem all encompassing. They feel like something I can handle. The amount of thankfulness I feel about that can't really be described to you. I can tell you that I'm tearing up as I'm writing this because I'm so overwhelmingly full of thankfulness. I can tell you that I want to hug the neck of Christ and jump up and down with Him saying, "thank you, thank you, thank you!" over and over like I'm 8 years old and He's just given me a new pink bicycle with sparkles on the handlebars and a little basket in the front for keeping dolls and treasures. I can tell you a lot of things about the way it makes me feel, but I won't do it justice.

When I was putting together this blog post, I was looking back through some older blog posts about my history of depression and I saw this post about a sense of peace and contentment I had exactly this time last year. And then when I read the last paragraph of that post in October 2009 I wanted to tell the world that prayer is a mighty warrior when you don't feel like standing up to fight for yourself.

So I guess that's what I came here to say today. I had a bad day. I'm doing fine. Prayer works.

About the Man

2010-10-27T08:34:00.003-05:00

A while back, I posted a lot of random things about myself so you could get to know me better. Today I'm doing that again. Except it's about my husband, whom you really should get to know.

- Timely: Dave refuses to admit that he is sick when, in fact, he is sick. His voice is about 2 octaves lower right now and he can't breathe through his nose. But he is. not. sick. dadgumit.

- He's one of the hardest workers I've ever met. He doesn't ever complain about working 90 hours a week. I work 40 and I'm all like, "ugh, I never have any time to do fun stuff. I'm always at work!"

- He's very proud of the shape of his fingernails. He likes, "how they go all the way to the edge."

- He can sing the whole Ninja Turtles rap by Partners in Kryme.

- He WILL sing the whole Ninja Turtles rap if it comes up in conversation.

- He loves to ruin a picture by being ridiculous. These ridiculous pictures make the world a better place.

- In the morning, when he is half asleep, he loves to talk about the weird dreams he's just had. His half-asleepedness turns each explanation into a 10 minute long far too detailed description of each specific part of the dream.

- When I was in middle school (before Dave and I knew each other very well) I had 3 dreams that Dave rescued me from different things. 2 tornadoes and one flood.

- He's a super fun uncle. One day he'll be a super fun dad.

- Mr. Hagen really enjoys a good cliff to jump from. He's quite the daredevil.

- One year he got a remote control plane for his birthday in November. At the beginning of December he asked for a remote control helicopter. Because a helicopter is so much different than a plane.

- He LOVES his career in the music business. He's realized some pretty amazing dreams in the past few years, he's had some pretty crazy schedules, he's worked with some really cool people, and he's learned a lot. His passion for his work makes me proud and excited for him. And jealous, but we won't get into that here.

- He knows the quickest way to make me angry. And he uses it because he thinks it's funny. It is not funny. But sometimes it IS funny. He's the only person who can make me laugh by making me mad. It's not fair play.

- When he's bored, he starts little projects and obsesses over them until they are finished and working correctly. We are the same in that.

- We do NOT work well together on little projects (staining fences, for example.) Sometimes we forget this and work together on something. Quickly we remember.

- He lost his wedding ring in the lake a couple summers ago and spent an unhealthy amount of time at the bottom of the lake looking for it. So long that his ears became swollen and sore for a few days because of all the pressure change. He never found it.

- In the middle of the night, he sometimes talks in his sleep and says really funny or really frightening things. Like, "why are you here?" or "spoon with me."

- He can eat so.much.food. Especially breakfast food. He loves the fact that IHOP has unlimited pancakes, eggs, and hashbrowns for $4.99. He would love to tell you about it if given the chance.

- He's always wanted to adopt, but I didn't know until we were in Haiti and he casually brought it up.

- It's hilarious to watch him try on a pair of shoes at the store. I can't even explain it other than, he's very thorough in his trying on.

- Best snuggler ever.

- He reads my blog. Love you Davie! All your rotten obnoxiousness, all your goofy faces, and all your other stuff.

The Wild Woods

2010-10-25T08:06:00.003-05:00

Saturday we took off toward Montgomery Bell State Park for a small camping trip with friends. The weather was absolutely perfect, the trees were just at their peak of changing, and the mix-tape was excellent (if I do say so myself.)

We did some hiking, some sitting around the campfire, and the tiniest bit of fishing. Which was mostly watching our 4 year old friend do the fishing since he's the only one that didn't need a fishing license.

Sunday morning I woke up to this beautiful view. I just sat still in my sleeping bag staring up at the trees and the open tent top for a good 15 minutes. It was amazing. I tried to stitch several pictures together to get a good picture of the whole tent top, but it came out a little strange.

I think I'm ready to go camping again. Who's in?

Fall Staple

2010-10-19T08:38:00.005-05:00

Every year around the middle of September, I start to think about the pumpkin patch. And by "think about the pumpkin patch" I mean "obssess about and talk non-stop about the moment when I will be AT the pumpkin patch."

When I was younger, we'd go to Rombach Farms. My great-aunt and uncle owned the farm and pumpkin patch just outside of St. Louis and going there each fall was a serious treat. We'd sit in the giant pile of pumpkins and get our pictures taken, we'd go through the field and pick out the biggest, most perfectly shaped pumpkins we could find, we'd walk through the barns and drink hot chocolate. Magic, I tell you.

Though I haven't been back to Aunt Maggie's farm in a while, I still get the itch to go to a pumpkin patch every year. Since living in Nashville, we've been to Gentry's Farm in Franklin each fall. I'm fairly certain that I'm the most excited to go every year out of all the kids I've gone with.

These are my friends, the Griffins. They're awesome. Maybe even more awesome than the pumpkin patch. Maybe.

Early Fall Jams

2010-10-18T12:40:00.002-05:00

It's PLAYLIST TIIIIIME!

My pictures from the pumpkin patch this weekend haven't been uploaded yet, so I'm posting the other fun I had this weekend. My playlist!

I make 2 playlists per season. Like, "early summer" and "late summer" and this is Early Fall.

Works well with the windows down on an evening road trip out the studio - it's been tested.

Enjoy!

1. Victim of Circumstance - She Bears
2. For Us - Pete Yorn
3. A Million to One - Autovaughn
4. Coney Island - Good Old War
5. Begin Again - Farewell Flight
6. Something In the Water - Brooke Fraser
7. Love You Strongly - Amy Stroup
8. Crushes - Andy Shauf
9. Static Waves - Andrew Belle
10. Sun Hands - Local Natives
11. Go On, Say It - Blind Pilot
12. Break Me Out - The Rescues
14. The Guy That Says Goodbye - Griffin House

My New Favorite Things

2010-10-15T09:51:00.005-05:00

Today I'm feeling a short and sweet blog post. Friday Favorites. Just a list of a few of my new favorite things.

1. Quirky nail polish colors. I am a whole-hearted lover of all colors, but when it comes to nail polish I'm normally a pink-only gal. This new color on my fingertips thing is really growing on me, though.

2. Something In the Water by Brooke Fraser. The song is catchy, the video is cute. How can you go wrong?

3. This amazing little boat automata found on Etsy.

4. The smell of the heater kicking on again this fall. Am I the only person who loves the smell of newly revived heater?

5. This post on twitter from my hilarious husband:
If it's true that beards are hip and my clothes aren't, then I'm only a hipster naked. Don't picture that. Sorry if I cause a brother to stumble.

6. The fact that my little sister, Christina, is up to #4 (as I type this) in a battle of the bands with over 500 other bands. She's super duper talented, and totally deserves every single vote. (VOTE FOR HER HERE!)

7. Seriously every single thing in this shop. But especially this print.

8. The words of encouragement I've received over the past couple of weeks. I've had the teensiest little struggle with feeling like I have a purpose. But, I have been flooded, flooded, with kind words about this little blog space and my artwork. Thanks, to those of you who were a part of that. I want to hug you.

9. Knowing that I'm going to the pumpkin patch this weekend, which is one of my very favorite places to be. THE PUMPKIN PATCH, Y'ALL!

10. This quote by E.B. White: “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

Have a great weekend! Enjoying the world or making it better.

Playing Dress Up

2010-10-14T09:04:00.003-05:00

In a few (hopefully short) weeks, I'm heading down to Texas for my brother's wedding/Thanksgiving/beach vacation.

I had a dream a few nights ago that I had brought my entire family to the store with me to find a dress for the wedding. It was 7:23 and the wedding was supposed to start at 7:30 across town. The whole family was mad at me because I hadn't found a dress yet, and I was wandering the store crying. I was saying things like, "I can't afford the dresses that I liiiiiike" and "these aren't even in my siiiiize" and it was all very stressful, as I'm sure you can imagine.

So the next day I began my hunt for a dress for the wedding. Which then turned into figuring out what I'll wear the whole time in Texas. Mentally packing, if you will. Which then turned into an all-out Polyvore fest. Which became these:

Do you think 5 weeks early is too early to start packing?

8 Days a Week

2010-10-13T07:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, actually only 7. But, for some reason a title for this blog post escaped me and that's all I could think of. You've heard over and over from me that I get ideas in my head that will.not.leave. until I make them. For about 3 weeks I've been desperately needing a trip to the craft store to get balsa wood. Well, I made the trip, and immediately got to work on this nagging idea.

A calendar! I saw some birch desk calendars online here and thought they were the cutest things. Then I was introduced to Lisa Rupp a couple days later and fell in love with her art. Her designs have a very similar feel to my designs, and I thought, if she can do it... I should at least give it a shot! So I did. This one is for my own personal use... so I created some designs that are very similar to hers. If I were ever to sell a balsa wood calendar, I'd obviously create new designs. I was just desperate to complete this project and get it out of my head!

I love it. I can't wait until January when I can start using these little pretties!

Oktoberfest

2010-10-11T08:25:00.006-05:00

Saturday was Oktoberfest in Music City. Oktoberfest means beer and lederhosen for a lot of people. I don't actually care for beer and I don't have the figure to pull off lederhosen. Though after seeing several people wearing them this weekend, I can quite confidently say I don't want to. It's just not a good look, you know? This guy made it work, though. I think the wind-up monkey helps.

When nearly all of your friends have children, you end up standing in line for pony rides instead of lines for beer. I much prefer the pony line; there is considerably less f-bomb and considerably more giggling. It pays to be friends with parents.

And instead of the normal sauerkraut and bratwurst treat that many people were interested in, I treated myself to a Sampson's Darkest Dark truffle. Ok, maybe 2. I found a new Nashville crush. His name is The Cocoa Tree. I'm not generally a sucker for sweets, but truffles make me weak in the knees. And cheesecake. And Dr. Pepper. But generally I'm not. I'd love to go back and try Hazel's Salted Caramel and Julie Anna's Orange. TRUFFLES, guys! Alright, I just had to get that out of my system.

Birdy

2010-10-08T07:45:00.004-05:00

I've been in the early fall clean, organize, purge mood that I have every year. Something about fall makes me nest. I flit about the house setting out bits of old junk and piles of books and I decide that my house is just the greatest thing and that I should never ever leave.

Because I don't have much to say today, as I've been entirely too sleep deprived (nightmares about shopping! did you know that was possible?) and I don't have much time for blogging right now, I'll just put up some pictures of my home. My homey little nest that I love dearly.

I've got my fingers crossed for some more nesting at home time this weekend. What about you?

#13

2010-10-07T08:03:00.004-05:00

I am forever shrinking in comparison to my two younger sisters' awesomeness. Their awesome is way up high and getting higher with things like, "is in a band" and "not afraid of motorcycles" and my awesome is teeny tiny somewhere under, "loves post-it notes" and "cannot whistle."

When they were visiting a couple of months ago, we had decided that we'd each get a tattoo of a locket somewhere on our selves with the two other sisters' initial inside. WELL, I was luckily saved by the tattoo shop we went into and I didn't have to publicly chicken out. Thank you tattoo shop for your ridiculous prices.

But awesome little sisters that they are, those two monkeys still want their locket tattoos. Emily, the youngest of all four kids in the family, just got her tattoo this week. Can you even believe that? Don't you remember her coming home from the hospital? Do you remember when she had all of her top 4 front teeth taken out and was the cutest little toothless thing until years later? Do you not recall all of that? Because I do. And the thought of that sweet little itty bit with her stick straight hair and her non-stop energy getting a TATTOO just makes me want to cry a little.

I mean... she IS grown up now. See?

But now she's even more grown up because she has a TATTOO.

I sketched out some ideas for the three of us while they were here. Different locket shapes and letter styles and level of detail, etc. I figured we'd kind of combine aspects of them and each pick whichever one suited our fancy the most. Emily is a traditional, simplistic gal when it comes to design. Christina is very forward thinking and a bit edgy, and I'm somewhere noncategorial. Kind of bohemian and cutesy. Is it possible to be both of those things? Well, this is the design Emily chose.

Which means.... drumroll please.... that I designed a tattoo. I have permanent art in the universe. That's just very cool to me. So cool, in fact, that I put it on my Project Life List a while back as #13. So that's TWO things I've checked off the list now, friends.